March 1 - 15 2001 Post Archive

Posted By: IWANG Jack

Posted: 3/1/2001 11:57:00 AM

Comments: 0

Thursday March 15, 2001

Old News / Forums

Hump Her In the Dumper! (5:20PM EST) Jack
I was thinking back to a time in my life when I had no problem getting girls. Of course I was only 14, but that's beside the point. I was working as a bus-boy in this restaurant making enough money to spend on baseball cards and video games. The job was fun, and it didn't really require any use of my brain, which was perfect during the summer time. 

As I've explained before, summer on Cape Cod is a chick free-for-all. If you stick your arm out at the beach, you're bound to hit at least one hot chick. Her boyfriend might beat the crap out of you, but that's beside the point. Back in the day when I had all my hair, and no beer gut, I did alright. Especially in the summers. Now back the little story.

So I'm working clearing tables and shit, when I notice a table full of blondes. Now this isn't some Hustler story so I'll tell the truth. It was basically a couple of hot chicks with their mom, and her mom's sister or so I thought. So I give the Jack grin to the table and proceed to go on working. 

Like a half hour later, the table's waitress comes up to me and says that the blonde chick table wants to see me. I figure I'm pretty smooth, I can talk to these fine ladies with stains all over my shirt, and still come off as a respectable kid. I wander over there with my head held high and ready to put some moves on the ladies.....

As fate would have it, the elder blonde speaks first... Bla-blaing about the weather, and other stuff like traffic and crap like that. I figure this all pretty much pointless until, the classic words leave her mouth. "Would you like to show my daughter around some night this week......" It was like a ray from heaven came down and lit up this chick's face. 

She was a quiet girl, but she was super hot...  So I told the mom that I would be happy to show her daughter some of the more exciting parts of Cape Cod. We made plans to get together at the beach and I'd take her out after that. Now remember, I'm like 14 and no where's near driving a car. I knew I had to think of something, otherwise I'd be shit out of luck with this chick.

Part 2. Tomorrow

Old News / Forums

Slap Her in the Crapper! (2:57PM EST) Jack
Today has been a long day, and it doesn't look like it's going to end anytime soon. Couple of cool links to throw out to you people today though. Check out Banned From 1515. Wicked new site, but I'm sure it's going to get even better as more shit is added. Plus it's from the guy that made those cool banners we've got floating around now. 

Also check out Kymbly's Site. This is girl is one hot piece of ass, too bad she's got a boyfriend. She'll be moonlighting on one of the cam portals, not sure which one just yet. Another quick site to spend some time on is My Ex Sucks. If you've got an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend story, send it in to me, and then send it into their site. 

- My Huge Cock - Bad Tattoo - My Ex-Girlfriend's Shaved Pussy - 

- My Lunch Hour - Sign Says - Fly Sex - 

The Dope On Scooby Doo

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really about. As we've gotten older, it has become more clear what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sorts -- and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.

THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery. It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence... Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a 'burner', i.e., he smokes pot. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his 'high' from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the world -- they drove to China once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities however... Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go 'solve the case' by themselves. It's no real mystery what these two are really doing -- they're getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Daphne, with her pretty pink legs, and Fred are constantly bumping uglies.

Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone's least favorite of the cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also into beastiality. Where do you think Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect English, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin' dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and fucking their dog, while all the while looking for the perfect 'hit'. Oh if we had only known these things when we watched this cartoon as children...

Wednesday March 14, 2001

Old News / Forums

How Drunk Would You Have To Be.... (8:12PM EST) Jack
To get nasty with me?? I guess it would only take about 14 beers for the ladies to let me know them personally, if you know what I mean.  I guess that's pretty good. If you got a minute go vote for me and try not to be douche bags and click on the 30 pack link. Let's see if I can get my ugly mug up to Number 1. For tons of fun, check out How Many Would It Take.

Another great site to check out is Class or Sex. Tons of great pictures, stories, and posts from the huge ass school a couple of towns over from me. These guys are from Springfield too, so I've got to show a little support to local peeps. Maybe they can hook me up with some Western MA whores... 

I'm just about out of here, so if you've got something for me look at send an email. I wanna hear what you have to say about the site, me, and anything else. 

Old News / Forums

Fucking Cock Knocker! (7:12PM) Jack
I noticed the front page was loading extremely slow, so I moved a lot of the posts to the Old News section. Check it out if you want to read any of the shit that was here before.

Holy Fucking Snootchie Bootchies!! One of my favorite sites actually gave a me a plug!! I don't shit get's much better than when your idols webpage throws a shout out to ya! I just wanted to say thanks, and I'll be there on August 10th for JASBSB!

- Jay and Silent Bob - Tough Being a Dick - Dick and Jane - Japanese - 

- Safe Sex - Vacuum - Sperm Chat - Shit Happens - Brush - 

Old News / Forums

Hot Broads (3:09PM EST) Jack
I'd bang this chick, wouldn't you? She's all concerned and shit that she's not good enough to be on this site. Trust me, babe, you're more than welcome to keep sending in pictures. 

Speaking of pictures, I haven't really gotten too many fan signs lately. If you like the site and want to make one for me, feel free to send it in. I need some hot broads to give me a little special attention. Too bad she doesn't have a site though, I'm sure she'd win the contest. We should have everyone Im her and tell her to take more pics. 

Talk To EvilzPrincess999

I updated a few of the other pages today. Check out the revised About Me page. It answers the burning questions all you ladies have out there. I've also decided to call off the little Web Mistress Contest. Not because of lack of entries, but because of the girls that wanted to enter. Most of them were serious cows and didn't deserve a place on this page. The ones that I liked are now listed on the left hand side. I'll be adding more periodically, so you can still email me your site. 

Wednesday March 14, 2001

Old News / Forums

More Link Chicks (12:00AM EST) Jack
Here's a couple more chicks for the Web Mistress Award.

Here we have a hot broad from across the pond. You have to like this girl if only because she's from Ireland. She'd be even cooler if she took some webcam pictures for me! She's is going to be on Portal Number Six, so you can check her out there also. Check her out, and don't forget to vote.

Stolen from her About Me Page.....

Who am I? These are a few of my favorite things... Five words: resilient, moody, compassionate, honest, and semi-wise... I think I'm a pretty kick-ass chick, but I have my moments of self-doubt just like anyone else... Using the word "kick-ass" might sound a bit cheesy or egotistical, but I'm neither (no where near it)... Anyway, I'm a true Taurus... as for the rest, you'll have to find out through sheer determination and creative genius...

Visit Kindy's Site and Vote For If You Like Her.

Photo Galleries:- The Chick From She's All That - The Chick From 90210 -   

Tuesday March 13, 2001

Old News / Forums

Unimportant News (6:38PM EST) Jack
New poll over there on the left hand side. I know there's only two sites listed so far, but there are a couple more I have to post tonight. I know it's not totally fair to list sites on the poll before I have all the links posted, but these two sites emailed me the same day as when I started the poll. I figure they deserve a little special treatment for being on the ball. 

Ladies Email Me Your Site and Pictures For Hits!

From: Igul
Subject: Hi, from Iram
Hey Jack, I saw the reply to the e-mail that I sent you last week and I was completely offended about what you said about English chicks having little or no teeth. I tried to come up with a good retaliation but could not think of anything since your probably right about American girls being better looking than English girls. Although I have to say that you make it sound as if having toothless women is a bad thing, because let me tell you, they give the best blow jobs. Not that I have actually tried it myself.

You must be a sucker for punishment if you emailed me again. First off, how the fuck do you know about English chicks when you're from some third world country? And second, do go saying toothless chicks give great head if you've never gotten it from one! That's like me saying that Claire Forlani gives awesome head, but I've never sucked dry personally from her....

The real reason for e-mailing you is that i have this problem at university. i am 19 and my friend is 20 and the trouble is that there are hardly any really decent looking girls at uni. although there was one that i liked but my friend likes her too, plus she is with someone and has been with him for a couple of years. Not that it bothers my friend but i tend to back off girls that are taken plus the fact my friend likes her too and its not worth losing a friend over a girl that i am not going get.

Will there ever be a point to what you email me? That stupid little paragraph could happen to fucking anyone! Do you think you're the only guy who has ever lusted after a taken chick? Plus I hate the word UNI. If some one ever came up to me and asked "Where is the UNI?" I'd punch their lights out, and then make them eat my boots.

Which means that i am back to square one. Also since i do not drink or smoke (due to a few reasons) it makes it pretty hard for me to get to know a lot of the girls there. A friend of mine suggested that i should start at the bottom and work my way up. If you have got any bright ideas i would like to hear it and let me know it you think that it would be a mistake to date anyone from uni. thanks.

If you're going to be starting at the bottom, you'll want to start with your sister.... I hear she's pretty easy, and since you're family she might even give you a discount or something... Just a little note though, you might want to double bag it with that whore, I heard she slept with this dude. 

Old News / Forums

Like CNN and the Weather Channel: constant updates. (5:39PM EST) Jack

Listen - Call - Win !!!

Wednesday Morning 7-9 AM EST Listen to the Eric Williams Radio Experience live on the Internet

http://womr.org/listen.html

Listen for the 1-800 number Eric gives out and call in to WIN !!!

The listener farthest away from Provincetown, Mass. to mention www.iwantanewgirlfriend.com wins a WOMR T-Shirt and a garageDog CD

So call in and do it garageDoggystyle!

Old News / Forums

Contestant 2 and Other Stuff (10:28AM EST) Jack
Second contestant in the Website Awards.....

Sheena, or Shee as she likes to be called hails from British Columbia Canada. She's only 16, but writes better than some of the other web girls out there on the internet. She also drinks, smokes, and has sex with her boyfriend.... I only wish I was 16 again! She's not a big fan of Nay, but she's going to have to make a Yahoo club to topple that giant of the Internet industry. Check out her site and see if it's something you're into. I've rapped with this girl a couple of time on AOL, and to tell you the truth I never would have guessed she's 16. You probably wouldn't have either..... Although she didn't send any IWANG pics to me, she's still in the running for the award ceremony....

So remember ladies, send in your URL and your pictures, and get some free hits!

Sheena's Site

Extremely awesome graphic! This same guy also made the Mr. T banner down at the bottom for me. If you've got some Photo Shop skills, I'd love to see what you can come up with.

Here's something I found that was pretty funny.

Personal Ads Explained

Women's Abbreviations

Sunday March 11, 2001

Old News / Forums

I Came To Bring the Pain (2:38PM EST) Jack
What's the best way to get a bunch of hits really really quick? List a bunch of sites and then proceed to bash the shit out of them. I'm actually surprised that my site ended up on his list. Not because this site is any good, just because I never thought of myself as some big site. Here's his commentary on my site. 

Webmaster: Jake, or whatever. Not important. 
Time Period: 1999 - This idiot is the male web cam slut. He takes off his shirt and takes pics of his muscles. I also heard that he "pimps" some of the girls online. How rad. Grow the fuck up. Your site sucks, and please could add a bit more sponsors to your shitty webpage?

Wow, pretty harsh stuff. He basically did that for every other decent site out on the internet. Obviously some one is just a little jealous. Plus it's not like it's even a good review. I think I've taken one pic with my shirt off, and only left it up for a day. It was scaring away the ladies. I predict this guy will have half the people listed on his site linking him by the end of the day. Pretty good scam if I do say so myself.

Im a girl who got cheate on sooo fucking bad....and he cheated on me more than 5 times w/o me knowing also he fuckin cheated on me w/my friend...hes a sick fuck. i eman the PURE example of a player, yet he doesnt even admit to being a player...god i want payback...i want revenge so bad for eveything that assholes oput me thru..and the shit he hasnt gotten for it... his sn is loco4eva32 and his email is dave32@inorbit.com itd be so great if u fuckin like did something sooo embarrasing to him ...but not add me in2 it ya know? lol so he doesnt know id id it..oh fuck it let him know hah...if you hear the endless stories of what this pig has done to me..youd flip . well maybe u wouldnt, u probly wouldnt care but newayz.get back to me! I got pics 2 *~I~Katy

You're right, I probably wouldn't care! I'm sure you're like 15 years old and clinged onto the guy until he no choice but to cheat on you. Shit just by reading your email I want go out with you, and then sleep with all your friends. Since did this little favor for you. I expect pictures sitting in my inbox tomorrow.

Okay, first off, I changed my font. Better now? Good. Moving on, let's get to the point of this email. I was reading the "Rules for Dating" part on your page. That's all fine and great, however, most of the "rules" are downright petty. I can almost bet anything that if anyone followed every single one of those rules when dating, they'd never end up happy. If you have to go down a checklist before going on a date, exactly how much fun do you think the date is going to be when you've set rules for yourself? If anyone actually memorized all of those rules, that just goes to show what a sad individual they are. 

Like I said before the post, I didn't write the shit. I don't follow a lot of that shit, and I'm sure most other people don't either. 

What girl would want to go out on a date with someone who has some set list of do's and don'ts? Would YOU want to go out on a date with a girl that did the same? I'd say the dates would end up being a flop 90% of the time. Now on the other hand, if you place some egotistical asshole in the picture, the list might work for them. How often do you see someone who thinks their shit doesn't stink being REALLY happy? (And I'm not talking about after getting laid). They've always got something to complain about. No matter how many lists they could make, nothing would ever please them. Even the most perfect people have flaws. Everyone does. No one is perfect. Anyone who sets out with some list of the "perfect girl/guy" is going to be so sadly disappointed. If you're looking for a serious relationship, you just simply don't do that shit. How often does someone set out looking for Mr./Miss Right and actually find them? That's not the way the cookie crumbles. When you see two people that are very much in love and are happier than they've ever been, chances are they didn't have some rules list, and they more than likely didn't set out looking for each other. 

I'm sure they didn't. 

Personally, I think the whole list deal is just a complete failure. People are so hell bent on finding total perfection that they end up overlooking what could be perfect for them. Nobody can be everyones image of "perfect". But that person might be perfect for just one other person. They, too, have flaws, but the flaws that they have are somewhat great in the other persons eyes. Let's say 9 out of 10 guys use this little list. The 9 would be looking for the exact same thing. Doubt they'd all find anything great. On the other hand, that one person who chose not to use it would probably find what's perfect for them a LOT easier. In conclusion, true happiness does not come from following any set of rules, or anyone elses opinions. The girl who seems to have everything, may infact, be lacking too many things. The girl who has nothing may have everything someone is looking for. And the girl inbetween could possibly be the one thats perfect for someone else. It's all in what actually makes an individual happy. It's not in what makes everyone else happy. I'm not sure if this is making much sense, I've had about 3 hours of sleep total, and I'm pretty shitty with words to say the least. Maybe someone can find some logic in this.

Very well said.

Email Me Some Cool Shit

Saturday March 10, 2001

Old News / Forums

Love at AOL (12:41PM EST) Jack
It seems like AOL has been a little slow adding personals to the Springfield, MA section so I decided to broaden my horizons a little bit. I selected the Elsewhere in Massachusetts and found both hot chicks and not so hot chicks. 

I am the Magnet RU steel? I'd probably do this girl. She's got a good picture, but she's a little old for my taste. Probably looks good with clothes on, but once the panties drop, so does everything else. 

Face of an Angel Face of an angel my ass!! Looks like an angel after eating a few devil's food cakes. Angels look like the models in the Victoria Secret ads, not the Jenny Craig ones.

Looking 4 a nice guy To me it looks like she's looking her next bag of smack. I've gone out with girls like this one before. She'll go down on you for a joint, and anything else for a needle. 

Seeking honest man I don't think this girl really wants an honest man. Cause any man is going to tell her the truth, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to here it. 

buibui This chick is smoking hot! Too bad it's probably one of those porno-personal ads. The ones that take your email address and then spam your maibox full of bad porn ads. 

silly cow seeks fruitloop I think I've posted this one before, but it's worth another look. This is either a recovering herion addict, or a full fledged junkie. Just from the title alone you can tell she's not all there. 

Dark angyl Ever see those Evil Dead movies? I think she played one of the Deadites.

cutie4latinlover Holy mother fucking bride of frankenstein!! 

19F seeks romance I don't think words can even describe this personal. Here's a quote from it.

I have had a hard time finding a good realtionship. It always turns out awful and people always play games with me. That is something that I do not want. I like a open caring romantic guy who wants to be with me and apprectiate me as I would him. I love to try new things and always try to be ready for what comes my way!!

It sounds like you could totally take advantage of this chick. Probably take her and fuck her in a most uncomfortable spot. And I don't mean the back of a Volkswagon. 

That's all for now. In the meantime check out these quality sites.

- Punogre - Class or Sex - The Daily Shot - Jiggin - 

Old News / Forums

Meet The Parents (12:05PM EST) Jack
I went out and bought Meet the Parents last night. I saw it in the theaters, but it's good enough to own. I guess every one has their little story about meeting their girlfriend's parents, but I think mine is a classic.

I was about 19 at the time, and was working full time as a cook. I was dating this hot waitress, and things were going pretty good for me. We worked together, drank together, and basically just had a really great time together. We had been going out for like a month or so, and things seemed to be falling into place. Of course, since shit can't go right for me all the time, something bad had to happen. 

Well the shit hit the fan when my girlfriend's parents saw her grades from the semester. She wasn't doing as well as they hoped she would, and who was to blame? Me of course. They found out she was sleeping over my house, partying with me, and not doing her homework. They pictured me as this no good doing slacker who was corrupting their first born daughter. So they yanked her off Cape Cod and took her away from me. We promised we'd still see each other and talk at least once a day. She also made me promise I'd come up and meet her parents some time.

It was a couple of weeks later and she invited me for dinner at her parents house. So now I've got a little dilemma. I have to meet the parents of the girl I'm fucking. And they know I'm sleeping with their daughter. Plus they think I'm some no good kid. Well, dinner went without a hitch, and I ended up impressing them with my computer skills. Luckily I didn't have some psycho father waiting to gun me down. The funny thing was that we ended up going out for drinks later that night, and there was a little baby in the booth behind me. The dad gives me this knowing look and says "We really don't want one of those right now......." What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? I tell him it's totally cool, and it wont be a problem. 

I've been pretty good with meeting the parents, I just put on my game face and tell them what they want to hear. They just want you to know they think their still in charge, and still lay down the rules. And it's pretty good to let them think that. 

Heidi Klum Picture Gallery

Thursday March 8, 2001

Old News / Forums

Why Buy The Cow (5:55PM EST) Jack
When you can get the sex for free. Some times when I think my page is pretty boring I do a little surfing around to find some thing interesting. After seeing if my favorite site has updated I'll surf the geocities pages. One group of pages that I've never even heard of before was Diary Land. I guess it's a bunch of people putting what should be private shit on the internet. 

So...I've been toying around with this cunt I met at the cafe here in Vegas a while back...came across her diary page. Want to have the iwang crew harass her a bit? She's the perfect example of "scary fucking girlfriend" And she gave your site an odd mention a while back...something along the lines of "My boyfriend was reading at some webpage called iwantanewgirlfriend.com and

Quotes from her diary - "I almost spoke to the interesting looking chick in journalism yesterday, because she had mentioned using Napster to download European music, and songs in German. Which made me think "hmm, that could be what I listen to". But the teacher asked what she listened to, and she said "things like Type O Negative". So I could no longer open a conversation with "what music do you download?" and I am not a follower of TON, even though I listened to them briefly when I was younger"

Man at least some of the stuff I write about is a little humorous. I know it's not George Carlin or Joe Rogan, but it's better than posting about my journalism class. 

"I'm thinking of ending my relationship. It's not something I want, but it would seem to be where we're headed. I've been very insecure and stuff lately"

"I love Chris more than anything. But he has been so miserable. And it's most likely becaause of me"

Looks like you hit the nail on the head there lady. I bet this guy was happy before he met you and will hopefully be able to pick up the pieces after this relationship. 

So, if you want to watch fun begin, post her diary and guestbook to your site...watch the flames rise....and everyone can have some fun

http://anomalee.diaryland.com http://anomalee.signmyguestbook.com

I've got to stop posting stuff like this. I should be using my powers for good instead of evil. But this is too much fucking fun. Take a look at her site and if want to have a good time sign her guestbook. 

Links: Skys  Dgnr8

Old News / Forums

Rules For Dating (5:33PM EST) Jack
Got this list today. From: Clayton RSTS NOC

1.)NEVER, and I mean EVER...date a single mother.

2.)Follow the "three strikes and your out" rule. Which means if he/she hasn't put out in the first three dates, dump them.

3.)Never pick up your phone Friday through Sunday. Screen all of your phone calls.

4.)No cuddling after sex. You kick their ass out in time for Sportscenter.

5.)Always wear a condom. Even if she is on birth control. No exceptions.

6.)Never spend more than $40 on a date. And if she pays, all the better.

7.)Pick out the women with the lowest self esteem. The lower the better. Beautiful women normally have a very low self esteem.

8.)Get in touch with your "inner A-hole". Women are drawn to assholes. If your a nice guy(pussy), you won't get laid. She'll categorize you as her "friend".

9.)Women are attention whores and will do almost anything to get it. So keep that in mind when you see some woman dressed to kill.

10.)Men, never have coffee or lunch with a woman unless you want to be "friends". Women have dinner with the men that they bang, not lunch or coffee.

11.)Women, you have no male friends. Every male you call a friend wants to bang the living fuck out of you. If you don't believe me, then as a test...tell any one of your male friends that you want to sleep with them and see if they turn you down.

12.)Stay away from any women who says the words "All my friends are guys". That is trouble and should be avoided at all costs.

13.)If the person you are dating stops putting out, "Dump that bitch".

14.)Men, the reason why you are friends with a woman with the exception of having a past relationship with her...is that she doesn't find you attractive. The truth hurts. Move on.

15.)Men, the more confidence you show the better chances you have of getting the girl. Women smell a pussy(figurative term for a man with no self esteem) a mile away and they can also smell confidence. Women are attracted to confidence almost more than anything else.

16.)Don't ever tell a woman you love her unless you really do. Don't do it especially just to get in her pants. The consequences are many and get you in to big trouble.

17.)If your girlfriend or boyfriend is spending a lot of time with a "friend" of the opposite sex, dump that bitch.

18.)Do not get married until you are at least 28 years of age.

19.)Do not buy her flowers until the second year you are married.

20.)Don't do anything in the beginning of the relationship you wouldn't normally do later in the relationship. Because her expectations of anything you do for her will cause you problems later.

21.)Never hold her purse. Unless you are a pussy or have a pussy, you shouldn't be holding a purse.

22.)Always become unavailable during the holidays. Never pick up the phone close to holiday seasons. Especially Valentine's Day or Thanksgiving.

23.)Do not go to a concert with a woman if she invites you. Especially if she has backstage passes or has a friend in the band she is going to see. It just means she is there to fuck the other guy. She probably just used you for the ride there.

24.)Never buy a woman a drink. It's just another way of a woman getting something she wants for free while the man thinks she's interested in him. (applies outside of relationships)

Old News / Forums

Gay AOL Stuff (12:00AM EST) Jack
I guess by putting my AOL Screen Name up here I invite people to IM me. But this homo takes the cake for being an idiot.

cooter1n : hey....how long'd you take on a site like that? it's pretty extensive and *nice* to say the least >^.^<
cooter1n : even for a girl =Þ
getnewgirlfriend : huh?
cooter1n : hehe...concerning your site, i was wondering how long it takes to make something like that
getnewgirlfriend : i'm not a girl douche bag
cooter1n : i said I was...not you
cooter1n : i saw ur pic
getnewgirlfriend : awww
getnewgirlfriend : i gotcha
cooter1n : lol....
cooter1n : not to mention you still haven't told me the meaning to that word >=/
cooter1n : where you from anyways?
getnewgirlfriend : massachusetts
cooter1n : quite far from here...i'm west coast
cooter1n : you get lotsa girls messaging you either positively or negatively?
cooter1n : seriously, i love ur site...but, my buddie doesn't quite as much as i
getnewgirlfriend : i wish i got more girls who would take naked pics
getnewgirlfriend : but alas, not to many of them around
cooter1n : what kinda pics you want? O:-)
getnewgirlfriend : any good ones =)
cooter1n : well there has to be something you like more than others
getnewgirlfriend : why you got a camera?
cooter1n : yea
getnewgirlfriend : really
getnewgirlfriend : i wanna see some titties
cooter1n : dude....serious~! why the fuck would i lie
cooter1n : more than that....you have any nice girl pics?
getnewgirlfriend : yep
cooter1n : you can assume i'm bi
getnewgirlfriend : k
cooter1n : send two...and you'll receive the same
cooter1n : but if not.....u won't ever see me
getnewgirlfriend : fine
getnewgirlfriend : nevermind, i dont play that shit
cooter1n : your choice
getnewgirlfriend : there's plenty of other girls out there
getnewgirlfriend : but this will make for a good topic on my site
cooter1n : hey hon, i said your choice
getnewgirlfriend : bye

What we have here is your classic case of some dude pretending to be a chick. I'm sure it happens all over the internet, but it's pretty fucking gay. So why don't you message this homo and teach him a lesson.

Wednesday March 7, 2001

Old News / Forums

Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot. (7:31PM EST) Jack
AOL is starting to blow goats. I got this one bitch iming me constantly until I blocked her. It was that okkickit chick from last week. I guess you guys did a number on her, and she was pretty pissed off. So she ims me and asks me to tell every one to back off her. Well, I was just about to make a post when she flips out and starts talking shit. 

okkickit : AND FUCK YOUR STUPID CONTEST, HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU GOT ENTERING THAT SHIT? HUH? YOU GONA GIVE THE WINER THAT PICTURE OF ME I SENT YOU?
okkickit : THATS WHY THERE BUGING ME, CAUSE ALL YOUR READERS ARE DICKLESS PORN LOVING WONDER BRA WEARING WANA BE'S!
okkickit : MAKE EM STOP DAMN IT!
okkickit : I'm 22 I don't need this stress
okkickit : MAKE EM STOP!
okkickit : WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!

Damn!! What did you guys do to this girl? You would think she's like traumatized and shit now. It looks like she made a pretty bold statement about you people who read this site. So why don't you tell her what you think about her. 

I've got another great AOL conversation to post later. It was basically some guy pretending to be a girl in order to get pictures from me. Saying that if I sent him pictures of chicks, s/he would send me two pictures of him/herself. Since I don't play that game, I said no, and it stopped talking to me. I'll post the name later tonight so you can fuck with him too.

On a totally unrelated note, you should make a stop down at Chimptopia. Besides having quality posts every day, there's a great story you should read. It's called Dead Man, and it's better than any John Grisham crap. 

Old News / Forums

I always notice that bored look in their eyes. (5:16PM EST) Jack
Looks like we have winner in the WOMR contest.

Hey Dude,
First I have to give you props for a great web site, I found it two months ago after my "almost to be married girlfriend" broke up with me after three years. I typed in your URL and boom.
Second, I called the radio station this morning and requested the garageDogs. When the guy found out I was calling from Atlanta, he went nuts and put me on the air, and chatted a moment.
He took my information for my T shirt and CD so I will see if he comes through.

I'm sure the T-Shirt and CD are on their way as we speak. This is the first IWANG contest winner, and if you guys like shit like this, I'd be down for doing some more stuff. Let me know, and I'll get another contest rolling. 

I thought this was a pretty good email. 

I know who you want because I'm friends with her. Let me list her characteristics:

-Beautiful, intelligent, funny, etc. All the good personality/physical traits. -Romantic, yet not so much that she can't turn to someone and say "I'm horny. Let's fuck." 
-Been with a couple guys, and one long term relationship, so she's experienced enough to be enjoyable, yet not so much so that there's a good chance random people you see on the street have slept with her. 
-She's not gonna hit you if you do something wrong, but she'll let you know what she likes and how she likes it. And she'll ask how you like it. -Self-sufficient and independant enough that she can go out with her friends and let you go out with your friends; she doesn't act like you need to be attached to her hip. Despite this though, she still asks for comfort and assurance that you still like/love her.

She's the middle ground that so many guys are after - halfway between the ballsy, completly self-sufficient, bitchy type, and the timid, insecure, needy girl. Halfway between the complete-intellectual who seems to have no hormones or romantic side, and the ditsy girl who wants either sex or romance 24/7.

Too bad we're just friends, eh?

All the best girls end up being your friend, never the one you end up with. Maybe it's because everything looks better when it's on the other side of the fence. Or something like that. I was going to write more but my computer crashed.

Just dropping you a line to see if you had gotten my last email that had the pics you were looking for (or just a good guesstimate on my part on what you were looking for).

I want naked pics!! And if they're not naked pics, at least make sure that my URL or name is some where in the pics. And this is a big thing: NO PHOTOSHOP!! I don't want any altered pics, there must be a sign, or preferably my name on your tits. 

I hadn't heard from you or seen my email be ridiculed on your site so I figured I would write to make sure the pic wasn't lost.

You need to come to fantasm - www.fantasm.org It's the party your mom said doesn't exist. It's not a frat party and it's certainly not anything you could attend where you live - you will have a fabulous time. And if you show up and actually introduce yourself to me - I can introduce you to a lot of people (in this alternate universe - i actually carry some weight and importance if you can believe that)

Sounds like Dawn is trying to put the moves on me. Well, if I do come to your little party, are you giving me a place to stay also? Cause you're a hot little broad, and I think you could probably show me a thing or two.

anyway.. let me know if i need to resend the pic. oh and thanx for the mention on the good hair thing.

Yes, you're proof that hot girls always have good hair. 

dawn marie www.dawnmarie.org

Since I know how much you people like pictures I've got another gallery for you. 

Katie Holmes Image Gallery

Old News / Forums

Viewer Mail (12:53PM EST) Jack
Time to crack open Outlook Express and see what people have emailed me over the last couple of days.

From: Matthew Harrison
Subject: I Saw Your Site and Would Like a Link
Dear Jack:

We spoke about a week ago. I know that you are a busy guy...and I only asked you two questions (are you making any money and something else) but perhaps you remember me.

I am the publisher of Playtimestuff Magazine, which is a new webzine published for college students by college students. We have columns, art, discounts, forums, photos, all sorts of stuff. Our goal is to provide information to our audience in each issue which comes out twice a month.

Hey these guys are from Western MA too... Small fucking world. I checked out a couple of the pages, and it's something you guys should check out too.

I have been a big fan of your site and have included it in our links page. I doubt that I will be able to provide you with a million and a half hits by putting a link on my site, but none the less its there. I was curious if you could give us a mention on your site (and or put a link on for us). We are what I would call a classy publication, and it could be a nice service to your audience for putting a link for us. The site is www.playtimestuff.com

I think the best thing is when another website puts my link up first, without even asking for a reciprocal link. It really shows that they like the site, and are trying to support it. A big thanks goes out to every site that does that for me. 

I would also like to do an interview with you for our next issue (which comes out in the beginning of april) in our story about college students and their webworlds. Please email me back if you are interested in being interviewed and promoted.

A to the motherfucking K! I'm totally down with a little interview session. Well, check them out, and support the fellow Western MA websites.

Old News / Forums

I Want a New Girlfriend (12:00AM EST) Jack
It's been awhile since I had a good full on relationship article. Most of the stuff I post now is just daily updates on my life. But I thought now is as good a time as any to make a full on article. Think of this as a some advice when you're in the market for a girlfriend. 

When you're in the market for a girlfriend you have assess what you really want. Do you want a girl who is going to worship the ground you walk on? One who you want to use for sex? Once you find out what kind of girl you're looking for you'll be be prepared to start your search.

The second thing you must figure out, is how much you want to spend in your quest to find a girlfriend. If you're a rich man, you might end up with a girl who looks good in a miniskirt. If you don't want to spend a lot of money, be prepared for a girl who fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Used vs. New? A question many girlfriend seekers have to address is whether to get a new or a used girlfriend. The answer to this question will, roughly speaking, be determined by your age, as shown in the following table:

Notes: A: Seek psychiatric help B: Only "new" if income > $100,000/year. Otherwise, "divorced".

New girlfriends have the advantage that they have no previous bad experiences to project on you, but the disadvantage that they will rarely be old enough to open their own checking account. Used girlfriends, on the other hand, may be steady, reliable performers, with the initial problems worked out, but we advise that you avoid models which have much more than average mileage (2.1 SO's/yr). Much greater than the average may be an indication that the girlfriend was a professional.

Accessories
Often the potential girlfriends you see on the lot or in a tavern will be loaded with accessories, as the dealer gets a high markup on such items as large bosom, long legs, green eyes, etc. Other accessories will only appeal to fringe markets, such as models which come pre-equipped with children, or the ability run 10 miles while chanting sanskrit. In such cases you should make a list of accessories desired, tolerated, and disliked. Note that some accessories (such as children) can be added later, while others (such as a large bosom) must be factory installed.

The Test Ride
When evaluating a girlfriend, a test ride is essential. The test ride ritual begins with the so-called "pickup line", which can range from the simple if dull ("Can I buy you a drink?") to the aggressively hip ("dance with me or I'll kill you") to the arcane ("You're my Camus comrade, and I want to leap you, Faith!"). We rate as Not Acceptable "Smile, you'll look better." Once on the test bed, evaluate handling, stability, and acceleration. The two questions you want to answer are: how fast, and how far? Examine the detailing. Does the bosom sag? Does the heater warm adaquately, or does she remain cool?

Ordering vs. On-The-Lot
Finding the right girlfriend can be a frustrating experience, and many potential customers find it hard to get the exact model and accessories wanted. In such cases ordering from the factory is an option. Delivery time, however, is from 14 to 16 years (depending on the state you live in), and we question the usefulness of such a practice: if you have access to the baby factory, you should reconsider your need for a girlfriend anyway.

Methodology
Girlfriends were evaluated by a dedicated group of 10 test engineers, selected to typify the average seeking population. All tests were performed at our specially constructed test facility, which included a bedroom, kitchen, and living room, and at a number of bars and taverns surrounding the facility. A series of seven tests were run, evaluating each product according to the following criteria: intelligence, wit, humor, empathy, initiative, looks, and performance.

Results 
Girlfriends are grouped together in categories by similarity. Within each category, variation is not statistically significant.

Comments About This Post: 

Tuesday March 6, 2001

Old News / Forums

I Didn't Write This (8:40PM EST) Jack
Sounds like a Denis Leary type of thing.

I like big cars, big houses, and naturally big tits. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid-level governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I don't care about appearing compassionate. I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer. I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I think I'm doing better than the homeless. I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or piss me off. I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; just don't feel like everyone else should have to. 

I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy queen shake, pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you work as an American citizen in an American store you should speak English. My father and grandfather shouldn't have to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours. I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word freeze or stop in English. See the previous line. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. If I received a blow job from one of my subordinate employees in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would have been FIRED immediately.

I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount when needed. I know what the definition of lying is. I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, c-store, trinket shop, or any damn thing else. I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet. I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny. I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks. I don't think that being a student gives you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box. 

I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package. I don't smoke but I will not tell you that you can't or charge you excessive taxes for you to enjoy that privilege I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake. I've never owned or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Rocky and Bullwinkle still makes me laugh. I think you can respect and admire women while mentally undressing them. I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude. I want to know which church is it exactly where the "Rev " Jessie Jackson reaches and besides what exactly is his job function. 

I don't care where Ellen puts her tongue. I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime then you will serve the time. A rubber band and a paper clip is a dangerous weapon in the hands of someone with malicious intent. I worry about dying before I get even. I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it pisses you off, invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you. I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it pisses me off. You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do as a white male. Hell, if someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime.

I like the convenience of buying oranges from a sidewalk vendor or while I'm waiting at a stop-light, and I'm pretty sure the Latin midget selling them to me is glad she no longer lives in a refrigerator box in East Dallas or sleeping in the streets of his/her home country. We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have. I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks. I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes a parent with the balls to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO". I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. 

I believe you don't have to speak with a lisp to pick out a couch for your living room. I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller. I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid. I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise. 

Yes, I guess by their definition, I'm a bad American.

Old News / Forums

I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot" (5:09PM EST) Jack
I spent the majority of today digging my car out of the snow, and shoveling a path to side door. I can't wait till Spring comes. After shoveling for way too many hours, I kicked back and watched Chasing Amy again.

I'm not positive, but I think this movie is quickly moving up on my list of favorites. Fight Club still reigns supreme, but this one is a close second. I think I need a girl like Alyssa Jones. Not some chick who's been with women, had three-somes, and gets guys like finger cuffs. I just mean a girl who is comfortable with her sexuality, and isn't afraid to let me know when she wants it raw. 

Most, well, actually all the girls who have been gracious enough to let me sleep with them have been very inhibited. They haven't been prudes, but most have been pretty slacking when it comes to the experience part. Not that I want some hooker who's been with half the guys in Western MA...  I guess I don't know what I want. 

Hi, my name is Imran and i have had a look at some of the material on your site which is i have to say is pretty good. i am from just outside of London which is in England (which you would probably know if your geography is not as crap as mine), so as you can possibly imagine it is like a grave yard here compared to the US. i hope that you can e-mail me as it would be great to make a few friends from across the Atlantic. Oh and by the way, would you be able to tell me which side of the Atlantic has better girls and why cause i would be interested in an American's point of view (also sice you seem to be the expert compared to most people i know) as it would probably be completely different from the opinions that some of my friends have which they mostly gain from some of the tabloids that we all read. if you can't forward the e-mail then the address is igul007@aol.com.

We all know that American girls are the best!! Even if they're bitches, they at least have all their teeth. I've only seen a few hot English chicks, Liz Hurley, and the Spice Girls. 

Sometimes the weirdest site link my sorry ass. 

Simple Man - not sure what's it's about, but it showed up in my referral logs. Check it out if you have a couple of free minutes.

God's Grilled Cheese - at least it's an original name. This guy seems to have a fixation with erections. I'm not sure if he likes his own, or just other guys. He does have some chicks asses on the front page.....

Cherry City - no explanation needed. 

Old News / Forums

garageDogs (3:00PM EST) Jack

Listen - Call - Win !!!

Wednesday Morning 7-9 AM EST Listen to the Eric Williams Radio Experience live on the Internet

http://womr.org/listen.html

The listener farthest away from Mass. to call in a garageDog request wins a WOMR T-Shirt and a garageDog CD Call 1-800-921-womr and bark for the garageDogs

Monday March 5, 2001

Old News / Forums

No Snow Yet (10:27PM EST) Jack
After predicting a foot of snow, there's about a half an inch on the ground right now. I could make a better fucking weather man than the people who are doing it now. How tough can it really be? I'll look outside my window, make a little prediction, and I'll be right half the time.... That's about the same percentage as their doing now. 

dear jack:
i just wanted to comment on the "interracial dating" bit....
im an 18 y/o asian girl and i've never been with an asian guy. actually i
dont even like asian guys. everybody thinks im weird for saying it, but fuck
em. i usually stick to white guys. and theres nothing wrong with "skinny
white guys" cause i've had my share of them. and also black guys, mixed
guys, indian guys, pretty much everything BUT asian. i dunno. im an oddball.
but i think its just the way i was raised. being brought up in a white suburbia all my life probably has something to do with it. im just used to seeing white guys, so im attracted to them. well not just any white guy, of course they gotta look good. im sick of seeing cute asian girls going out with really dorky white guys. and i hate how some white guys have an "asian fetish" its kinda gross actually. okay. im just babbling now. i'll shut up.
goodbye.
<3,
jen

What's wrong with an Asian fetish?! I've never been with an Asian chick and I think it would be totally cool. Is it true that Asian girls' pussies go sideways? Last night I watched Very Bad Things... still haven't finished it, but so far it's pretty good. These guys get some prostitute for their buddies bachelor party, and it's some hot Asian broad. Nice tight little body and ready to party. If you've seen the movie then you know what happens to her, if not pick it up at your local Ball Buster, it's worth the three bucks.

Here's some emails I got regarding the link I posted for the Stinker.

Hey Jack. I got an e-mail from that same chick from thestinker.com she promised me the world too! She said she had an extremely busy website with tons of traffic. She said she would send me tons of traffic as well! So being the nice guy I am added her 88x31 banner to my main page, I usually only do this when a site sends me tons of traffic! She has sent me like 8 hits in frickin 2 weeks!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCK! And then she sends me back every 2 days saying that more is coming and not to drop her link! Fuck that I kicked her ass to the curb! I mean shit, the design on the site is god awful and I am just too much of a sucker for women! Damn!

Anyways I just thought you would find it funny! L8rr dude
Mark Webmaster
http://www.drinkinghard.com

Everyone promises the world on the internet. I get emails everyday from geocities sites asking for link exchanges. Most of the time they say they get 35,000 unique visitors or some shit like that.

Please utilize a virus scanning program during the uploading of any of our games or animations. All files are scanned by us but during their storage at our servers, tampering may occur.

Are you kidding me. That was a excerpt from www.thestinker.com I can't believe you posted that link. That site is rediculus. Im not sure about you but i defenietly dont upload games or animations from websites. Wow, a first class moron whover runs that site.

Anyways, just like to say nice site. I find myself drawn you by your frequent updates. No one else seem to be able to compete with you there.

Later, piker
http://www.theinept.com

I guess no one can compete the amount of updates because I have no life. I go to school, workout, and work at my job. Most of the time the excitement in my life is new AOL personal day, or new movies at the video store. Once I move into the dorms, I'm sure the orgy stories will pick up, and I'll be able to get some first hand pictures of college girls, but for now it's a little limited.

Now now Jack. That wasnt very nice. Calling me looney. I'm actually kind of sad. I wont like, stalk you or anything. Just because I'm lonley, doesn't mean I'm LOONEY. And you wont marry a chick like me, trust me, you'll find someone 198,738,491,091,000 times better. Tomorrow is Monday... sigh.... not so good. I'll still wish you a good Monday, even though Im apparently NOT SANE. Love, Ang

Looks like Limpfangirl got a little mad at the comments I made yesterday.... She's actually pretty hot, but that don't mean anything. I'd rather date a plain sane girl, than a psychotic hot one. I'm sick of the restraining orders, phone calls at 2 in the morning, and all the other bullshit that goes along with psychos. Just find me a normal girl with bog ole titties and I'll be happy.

Sunday March 4, 2001

Old News / Forums

Viewer Mail (3:25PM EST) Jack
The highlight of this site is reading the viewer mail that you people send in. So anytime you have something you want me to read, just send it in.

From: Limpfangirl
Yo Jack. Only 14 year old reads your site? Im 19 and ob-fucking-sessed with it. Hows that for creepy? I've read every single... thing...on here and come back like, 10 times a day to see if there's any more updates. I have no life. Why are you so fucking hot? My feet are cold. I think you should be a model. Seriously. I think Im going to make it a point to harass you on a semi-daily basis now. How does it feel to have a creepy crackwhore obsessed with you? :D Love, Ang PS I wish you ALL the luck with your community college and graduating. You have all my luck from the bottom of my heart.

So that sounds just a little psychotic. Thank god this chick lives across the country from me. It's always good to have fans, but sometimes it goes just a little too far.

From: Limpfangirl
Subject: YO FOOL!
yo jack It's Ang, I read your thing about hair. I have pretty hair. Maybe I'll send you a pic. Guess what? I bought a dildo today. It was the coolest thing Ive ever done in my entire life. I think Im adicted to your forums. I hope your night is dope. Strip clubs sound like fun. Havent done that for a while. Well I 'm just making sure I keep up my promise to.... myself... to harass you. I think Im lonley and need a friend. Haha. I really do hope your weekend rocks. Love, Ang

I don't know if any one reads the forums, but this chick is looney fucking toons! She makes posts about running red lights, have some kinky ass fetishes, among other things. This is the kind of girl I'll end up marrying or something.... Just my fucking luck.

From: Manduh
Jack- haha, I just read that log on your page with the kid who was threatening to "stab you like a steak." My emails were pretty pointless, but at least they weren't as lame. "yo homey u got beef wit me". lol. Anyhow, so I'm like getting all these emails from your little followers who think sending me tons of emails is going to somehow annoy me to the point of leaving the internet or something. I got this whole series of emails with nothing but dots ".............." and so on, with the subject "IS THIS ANNOYING?" So, I wrote him a simple email back telling him to at least write something if he wanted to actually halfass attempt pissing me off. He wrote me back threatening to send me an email bomb an mess with my email account or some bullshit because I should "watch who I bash on the net." Maybe I'm supposed to be threatened by that, but I found it kinda funny. I got 2 other emails concerning me "bashing" you. Then I got another email from a "Jack hater" or so he said. Some malaysian kid who couldn't even spell, asking me if I'd be his friend. That's pretty neat. Lots of emails to delete everyday just because of the emails I sent you. I'll never understand the whole dot deal. I'm actually starting to believe you when you say most of the people who view your site are around the age of 12.

That indian dude was probably Habib!! We fucked with his guestbook a couple of weeks ago and got him pretty pissed off. It looks like he's made a few changes since we've last seen it. Go have some fun with it if you would like. That chick in the email is actually pretty cool. She didn't mean any harm, and she's pretty funny too! So you can stop bothering her now. 

From: Chris
my site: www.thestinker.net listed with many top list sites, you are...a swap candidate:) check it out and let me know... hits: 2400 per day, sites listed: zeebarf, redfx, mortystwisted, curlydavid, hazydaze, and more... would like a swap... chris

Wow! This guy name drops more than me.... Maybe I should emails out to badassmofo and something awful like that. It would look something like this...

From: Jack
my site IWANG listed with many top site, you are a swap candidate =) check it out and let me know... hits: 10 per day, sites listed: geocities, tripod, aol, yahoo, northern light, and many more.... would you like to swap... jack 

Do you think any one would respond?? Yeah I didn't think so either.....

Old News / Forums

It's Going To Be a Blizzard (3:09PM EST) Jack
I guess we're supposed to get a huge fucking blizzard tonight so I stocked up on all the supplies. I've got a 30 pack Bud, couple packs of smokes, and a couple of hookers for good measure. I figure you can never be too prepared.

So last night as I'm in the store I take a look at the 2-pack cigarette deals. Normally they give you like a free lighter or a beach blanket. Usually pretty dumb shit. But last's night promotional piece took the fucking cake. They were selling Marlboro Lights and Mediums along with, get this, a fucking bottle of hot sauce! Like I understand cross-promotion and stuff but I thought it was pretty fucked up. Then when I mention it to the clerk as a joke, she gives me this weird look and says, "Well, you don't have to buy those..." It's like no shit sherlock, I was just making a little comment. Stupid people really piss me off. Or course all this is going on while some stoned guy is trying to get directions to Springfield. It took the clerk saying the same stuff five times before the guy understood what she was saying. 

Here's Entry Number One: 

okkickit : hey, you like IWANG?
slimtimothy : yea
okkickit : Jack is fake
slimtimothy : what?
okkickit : His reel name is Dave
slimtimothy : realy cool?
okkickit : thats not cool, he's fake!
okkickit : stupid
okkickit : you like fake?
slimtimothy : shut up
okkickit : fucker
slimtimothy : whats your prob, JACKS SITE IS THE SHIT, I got there and laugh 2-3 times a day
okkickit : you would
slimtimothy : what the fuck is that suposed to mean?
okkickit : take it how you want it
slimtimothy : ok, your about to get blocked.
okkickit : oh so you scared of me now?
okkickit : I'm crazy, I'll eat you alive!
slimtimothy : you just want my cock and you know it
okkickit : ahhhhhh shit nigga, YOU JUST DID THE WRONG!
slimtimothy : umm, I'm white
slimtimothy : I'm as white as they come
okkickit : yea, and I'm white too
okkickit : I'm gona slap you and jack (dave) so fucking hard
slimtimothy : with what your dick you stupid fag?
okkickit : OHH your friend Jack (Dave) is geting all punked out now
okkickit : starting with the bad jokes
okkickit : I might have to stab him
slimtimothy : you do that,
okkickit : AHH fucke r I just read your shit
okkickit : I have no dick, I'm a woman. your a boy!
slimtimothy : BOY? I'M ALL MAN LADY! (thank you mallrats)
okkickit : what the fuck is mallrarts?
slimtimothy : it's a kevin smith movie
okkickit : no it's not
okkickit : I got em all
okkickit : there's only 2
okkickit : DOGMA, and that AMY movie
slimtimothy : relay? yea I think your right, I'm gona go now and watch my 2 Kevin smith movies. I think I'll watch that amy movie first. see ya later
okkickit : FUCKER DON"T MOCK ME!
slimtimothy : FUCKER DON"T MOCK ME
okkickit : stop it
slimtimothy : stop it
okkickit : you wan fight? I'm like Ed Norton and shit, I'll stab you like I satbed my last boy friend.
slimtimothy : if your a woman why would you need a boy?
okkickit : I like to have dick up my ass, do you think Jack (dave) would mind
slimtimothy : anywas this is geting old, see ya

I find it hilarious how people can get so pissed off by something on the internet. Jesus Christ this is just a simple little website. There's no need to try and dig up little secrets about me and stuff. I've never hidden anything before, and I'm not keeping secrets now. So try and shut me down if you want, but as long as there are douche bag girls, IWANG will always be around.

Saturday March 3, 2001

Old News / Forums

I Hate People (3:59PM EST) Jack
I really hate people. First I get imed by 12 year old girls, and other random people. Now I have to put up with people calling me fake and shit. This "hacker" checked out my info in Network Solutions, and thinks he's some big shot. So he's taunting me about my name and shit. First off my middle name is Dave, the same name as my kid. Second all this info is public knowledge.... You would think if I was trying to hide something I'd be a little more careful about it. Well this is the convo.... You can click on his name to say to the douche bag.

okkickit : i've been telling people your info
getnewgirlfriend : so
okkickit : mil box is gona be full soon
okkickit : mail
getnewgirlfriend : with what?
getnewgirlfriend : david is my middle name jackass
okkickit : fuck you, your site is gay
getnewgirlfriend : lol
okkickit : I'm sorry I ever went there
getnewgirlfriend : i'll post this tonight
okkickit : besides everyone knows bald chicks look the best!
getnewgirlfriend : it'll be funny
okkickit : post it, see if I care
getnewgirlfriend : ok
okkickit : your a dork DAVE! of sullyd.com
getnewgirlfriend : you are pretty smart!
okkickit : you talk alot of shit for a dork, you wana step? you got beef?
getnewgirlfriend : you sound tough
getnewgirlfriend : of course everyone on the net is tough
okkickit : FUCK YOU
getnewgirlfriend : my fucking grandmother is tough on the internet
getnewgirlfriend : lol
okkickit : I'm tough in real life
getnewgirlfriend : i'm sure
getnewgirlfriend : prove it ass spelunker
getnewgirlfriend : granby ma 01033
getnewgirlfriend : white pontiac car
okkickit : I'm crazy man, I get like Ed Norton and shit, I'll stab your ass like a steak on my plate
getnewgirlfriend : lol
getnewgirlfriend : how old r u?
okkickit : you don't want to fuck with me man, I'm nuts when I get mad!
okkickit : 22 how old are you?
getnewgirlfriend : 12
okkickit : oh so scared
getnewgirlfriend : what's your address?
okkickit : I'll bet your dick looks 12
getnewgirlfriend : yep
okkickit : home or e-mail?
getnewgirlfriend : home
okkickit : oh
okkickit : ok
okkickit : 121 Fucked Jacks mom drive
getnewgirlfriend : my names Dave remember?
getnewgirlfriend : douche bag
okkickit : Big fat bong hit, MA

I got sick of the little shit after that so I just blocked him/her. So why doesn't everyone click on the name and say hello. The best conversations will get a whole bunch of free porn!

Old News / Forums

Some Viewer Mail (12:58PM EST) Jack
On a boring day the only way to pass the time is with some viewer mail.

First of all, I would like to say that your site is pretty funny and entertaining. Now, the reason I am writing: My girlfriend and I recently broke up right before Valantines Day. I had know her for about two years and from the first time I met her, I knew she was my dream girl: gorgeous looks, personality, everything. Anyways, since we worked together at a restaurant, we got to see each other regularly and eventually we started dating and I fell in love with this girl. 

The same thing happened to me. I was a cook and I met this girl there. She was hot, smart, liked to party, and even gave me head on our first date. She was the perfect woman. 

I am 23, she is 19, so the maturity levels are a little imbalanced but all and all, we got along great, and she would always tell me how much she loved me and shit like that. One night, this bitch dumps me out of the blue. She begins to tell me that she does not think she is ready for a relationship with me right now and tells me I never spend enough time with her and that I am always at school. Little did I know that she broke up with me to get with this other guy at the same job (it was a coincidence that I was quiting the same week). I should have picked up on it the weekend before when she spent the night at my place. I did not have condoms at home and I asked her if she had any, she told me she did in her glove compartment, which was a little strange because she never kept them in there before. I would not mind her dumping me so much if I was an asshole and a player, but I totally fell for this girl, which I have never done for any other girl before. 

It sucks when that happens... I was really in love with this one chick and one day she just dumped me. She gave me the whole speech about it not being me and all that bull shit. 

I am good looking, funny, the whole package and shit like that and she went for this trashy, fucked up druggie. The point is, it is hard as fuck to find "the right girl", and I am sick of fucking around with all of the "wrong ones", and all though I still love her, a part of me hopes this bitch is miserable in her next relationships and regrets the mistake she made. I am too fucking nice. Good luck with your own shit, give it time.

No matter what, the nice guy always loses. Even with good girls it's impossible to win. If she's a good girl she's going to want to slum it with a bad boy. If she's a bad girl she's not going to want anything to do with you. I just want to find a girl who's some where in the middle. 

I want my girl to be able to go out for drinks on the weekend, study for school during the week, and basically just want to have a fun time. Every girl I've met has been at the extremes. Either some dumb ass girl who has no direction in life, or a goody little two shoes who's hung up on my faults.

Friday, March 2, 2001

Old News / Forums

Random Shit (10:29PM EST) Jack
I've been a lazy sack today and it really shows. I've also been slacking on responding to emails you've written into me. I just want you to know I do read every one of them, and it seriously puts a smile on my face. Some of the stuff you guys write in is really great, while some of it's pure hilarity.

hey jack, i wouldn't mind dating u b/c u look like a pretty hot guy. i think ur pretty funny and that's a great quality to have when ur on a date. i've wrote to u before about my friend who i'm in love w/. the guy that i met online. i never got a reply but who cares? it's no biggie. anyways, just thought i'ld say hi.

This chicks name was Yen Do. What kind of fucking name is that?? Well, I guess I should be thankful that she would do me, well at least date me. Sounds better than the options that I have currently. Yahoo personals haven't worked out, and you all get to see my choices with the AOL personals. It's not looking too good. I'd try and pick up women at the gym, but I think some of the girls could kick the crap out of me. And I'm afraid I'd try to put the moves on some steroid freak's girlfriend. Maybe I'll hit the strip club tomorrow night. 

Of course why hit the strip club when I've got girlfriends like these ones...

 - Margaret 1 - Margaret 2- Kitty 1 - Kitty 2 - 

Old News / Forums

Chicks With Good Hair (11:43AM EST) Jack
One thing I've noticed but never written about is chicks and the type of hairstyles they have. In my classes I normally sit in the back row so I get to see the backs of a lot of people's heads. In class there's only like 5 guys and the rest are girls. 

Now this wouldn't be a bad thing, but the ratio of hot chicks to ugly chicks is way to low. There's like 2 maybe 3 do-able girls in that class. But all three of those chicks have really nice hair. I mean like model hair, all soft and shit like that. The rest of the girls in the class have like trailer-park hair. All flat and greasy looking. Is this always the case? I've been thinking back in my past and trying to remember if I've seen an ugly girl with good hair. I don't think I ever have..... Also I don't think I've seen a really hot girl with bad hair. Now I don't mean just waking up bed head, I mean like nasty looking hair.

So is hair quality a necessity for beauty? Would a hot chick with nasty ass hair still be considered hot? Or am I just a fucked up guy? 

Sites I Like: House of Links - Fark - Penny Arcade - Class or Sex - Cloud 10 - Something Awful - Penis Mightier - Fazed - Chimptopia - 

Chicks With Good Hair:  Dogmatic Law - Bathtub Girl - Green Fairy - 

- Dawn Marie - Chelle - Archu - Fragile Sin - Bad Ass Chick - 

Thursday, March 1, 2001

Old News / Forums

Good Mail vs. Bad Mail (5:02PM EST) Jack
I got a variety of emails today. Some were good some were bad. But all of them are interesting. Maybe some time I'll put together a whole page of the email I've received, but don't hold your breath.

Jack, That was too predictable, but on the other hand, it was pretty good. I think it's kind of amusing that people like you let such tidious emails affect your emotions in any little way. 

It's amusing that you would write me a second time. Your opinion was expressed once, and now you've taken the time to try and state it again. I like a girl that doesn't quit.

The fact that you posted it on your site and bitched, was the predictable part. But not only did you do that, you felt the need to explain why your page looks like shit and also why you weren't comparing sites. If you would have actually took a few minutes to either think about what I said in my email or read it correctly, you would have realized that I said your site looks like a cheesey rip off of my boyfriends OLD site. The word "old" could be referring to one or more things. So, possibly, his site is no longer up. Therefore, I'd have no url to include, would I? And even if it was still up, if your site looked like a bad rip off, why would I actually give you the url to it? 

All I was saying is that I wanted to take a look at this Picasso of web design. Already you're sounding like one of those people that has to nit pick every little detail. I really hate those fucking people with a passion. Your the type that cruises through message boards and flames the person that misspells one word. Obviously your boyfriend isn't giving you enough deep dicking, because you seem to have plenty of free time to email me. 

You'd probably get a better idea of how to design your site decently and how to bitch properly. So, no. That should have been self-explanatory the first time around. "So fuck you fat ass. And go back to the rock from which you crawled out of." That's the good part. You were obviously mad, even if it was only a tad bit. Even still, you need to work on expressing your emotions better. Calling me a fat ass shows immaturity on your part. 

If you think you're the first person to call me immature, I really hate to burst your bubble. Take a look at the title of this site, doesn't sound like it's going to be the highest class site. People come here for fun and to see pretty pictures. It's nothing more than that, and I never want it to become more than that. 

If you knew what I looked like, and I was overweight, that would be fine, but since you don't..that's kinda like those lame little third grade name calling competitions. And as for the rock part, I don't think anything has ever crawled "out of" a rock. Make it a little more logical next time and say something like "And go crawl back under the rock from which you came from."

Since you used the word "overweight" I'm sure your a huge Big Mac eating beast. I must have gotten my phrases mixed up last night, that's what happens when you make updates after a bottle of Morgan's. Next time I'll make sure I get it right.

This next email is a pretty good one, makes me kind of happy that I'm doing this site.

Hey Jack. I'm just writing to tell you a few things. First of all, you are a good looking guy, although I don't like the haircut too much, and anyone who says otherwise is lying. 

So all the people that said they liked my haircut were lying?! Or all the people that say I'm ugly are lying?  

Secondly, all those stupid, illiterate girls who write to you saying that you are a stupid, womanized, fuckhead probably haven't even read the site and have no basis for an opinion and should be dismissed without any hesitation as fat, ugly, airheads. 

A lot of women just see the title and assume that I'm some one out there degrading women. I actually have a lot of respect for the females of our species. And when I find the right one, I'll treat like a queen.

Third, I want to sympathize with you not knowing what in the hell is up with girls, even though I am one. I have no idea why they say one thing and mean another thing, I have no idea why they want guys to call them all the time, and I have no idea why they get mad when a guy wants to go out with his friends. I hate the phone, I say exactly what I mean, and I want a guy to leave me alone sometimes. I have no idea why they try to change guys into something else, and I have no clue as to why they won't let guys do anything fun, and that includes seeing acti! on movies, playing poker, or shooting some pool. I hate chick flicks, I drink, I love extreme action, I love watching baseball (YANKEES!) 

Boo!! Red Sox all the way baby!

and skateboarding competitions, I'm addicted to video games, and I love pool (even though I'm short so I suck). I just wanted to let you know that not all chicks are controlling, stupid bitches, and that you seem like an awesome guy. I'm not trying to kiss your ass, but you seem down lately and I'm trying to cheer you up. That girl who you just lost doesn't deserve you (oo, was that a bad cliché or what?) because she doesn't respect you enough to let you be yourself. Who is she to tell you to quit smoking? Even though you should've just told her, she seems a bit controlling, and that was get worse as the relationship progressed. So be happy your free and find a fun girl who likes Jack for Jack. (Ouch ,another cliché.)

-Jacki

I like Jacki, she seems very nice and I would totally go on a date with her. Are there any other girls out there like Jacki? If so I'd love to hear from you. So send me an email and I'll post the best on the main page. The rest will become part of the I Love Jack page. 

Comment about this post: 

Old News / Forums

I Never Was a Religious Man.... (2:48PM EST) Jack
But I might have to go to church this Sunday. I got this in my email box today.

Dear Jack,
Someone has sent you a voodoo curse through PinStruck.com. To view your personalized curse, click the link at the bottom of this e-mail. Before you do, make sure to read the following warning:

---

WARNING: If you are sensitive, paranoid or superstitious in nature, viewing your voodoo curse may be upsetting to you. Curses are not suitable for viewing by people under the age of 18.

If you fall into any of these categories it would probably be best to delete this e-mail and forget about the whole thing.

Remember, revenge is always an option.

By clicking the link below, and visiting the PinStruck.com site you agree, and are bound by, the terms of the PINSTRUCK USER AGREEMENT available at pinstruck.com/user.htm

---

You have been warned! Click the link below to view your voodoo curse!

http://www.pinstruck.com/box.php3?hex=678835617031

Holy shit!! I've been cursed!! Actually I'm kind of flattered. I just hope nothing bad happens to me today. If you don't see any more updates after this one, you'll know that I've left this earth....

Old News / Forums

You Dumb Bastard.... (12:00AM EST) Jack
I'm kind of catching up in the polls, but it looks like I'm going to lose this little contest. I guess one of the downsides of this site getting a little more popular is that I get to deal with all the douche bags. Here's a classic case of girls who should not breed.

From:Manduh
Subject: hah
Jack, (or whatever your name is) I'll first start off by saying..your site design is UGLY. Period. Moving on. To be perfectly honest your site looks like a cheesey rip off of my boyfriend's old site. If you're gonna have a site full of random bitching, at least learn how to do it right. Anyhow, having said that, I'll bring this email to an end. Don't bother writing back some half brained smart ass reply, cos I'm sure it wouldn't be entertaining in the least. And btw, good luck with finding a new girlfriend.

It's always great when a dumbass girl learns how to use the internet and the email system. She didn't include any address for her boyfriends site, so I've got nothing to compare my site with. And another point, I have never said that I'm some sort of designer. I do my updates in Front Page so fuck you fat ass. And go back to the rock from which you crawled out of.

you are a pretty cool guy. you like Kevin Smith, you seem sweet, not a huge freako. But the answer unfortunately is no. you're a guy and well i'm a lesbian. so if you were a chick i'd totally be there. you'll find a good girlfriend eventually, or you could always rent one.
p.s. i'm not just saying i'm gay to make fun of the whole chasing amy thing either.
XOXO Monkie

I think I'm in love... I figure I might as well just go after unattainable girls and just save myself the time and effort. This way I'll know I have no chance from the very beginning, instead of wasting valuable time and money trying to get in the girls pants. 

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