Sunday July 20 - 2003

Posted By: IWANG Jack

Posted: 7/19/2003 2:10:46 PM

Comments: 0

So I Called It (12:00AM EST) Jack
If you remember my last post, then you'll recall that I fucked Monica and another broad last week. I also posted some repercussions of the threesome, and lo and behold Monica got all jealous and I had to drop her like a bad habit. We've had our breakups in the past, but I think this one is for good. I guess it's for the best as it will give me a chance to save some money and concentrate on banging as many girls as I can.

Now don't get me wrong, because I'm really a nice guy at heart. But after being in a long relationship, I think I need the opportunity to vent, and I'll get my rocks off as much as possible. I really do want to find a girl to settle down with, but for the next couple of months it's going to be all about the poonani and nothing else. If I meet the right girl during this time, sure I'll commit to her, but she better be one special broad.

It'll give me some time to work on the site too, and although that's not really better than getting constant pussy, it could be a lot worse. There's only so much shit I'll put up with before the constant pussy isn't worth it anymore. I think most guys are like this because I see a lot of whiny bitches and they're all in relationships. But who am I to say anything, my ex-girlfriend was a whiny bitch and I stayed with her for over a year. 

It seems weird because she was my longest relationship, and I really thought we had a chance to stay together. Now I'm not going to get all teary eyed and shit, because that's not the way I roll, but we did have some good times. So now it's out with the old and busted and in with the new hottness!

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One day a little boy walked in on his mother in the shower. The boy pointed to his mother's pussy and said "What’s that mommy?".

The mother not wanting to explain the facts of life to the boy said "that’s my sponge" the boy satisfied with the answer went out.

A few days later the boy again walked in on his mother in the shower. The night before the mother had shaved completely.

The boy noticing the difference asked the mother "where is your sponge?".

The mother said she lost it and the boy satisfied went outside again..

All of a sudden the boy ran back in. "Mommy, mommy I found your sponge! I was looking in Mrs. Jones back window and I saw Mrs. Jones washing daddy's face with it!"

With summer here, it's time time for Jack's Tips for the Ladies. Since all you fine females are going to be at the beach and beside the pool, here's a little suggestion... Keep Those Pussies Under Control! I don't want to see your bush hanging out of your bikini. So here's 4 styles you should be able to pull off with no problem.

THE BRAZILIAN - this involves stripping all but a trimmed "racing stripe" of hair down the centre of the bikini area. Named after the J Sisters (seven Brazilian sisters who brought the style to New York), The Brazilian gained cult status with followers like Gwyneth Paltrow and Cindy Crawford, whose signed portraits hang on the "J's" salon walls

THE HOLLYWOOD - named after the town where dreams are made; there's only one proviso with this style: take it allllllllll off. (Also known more recently as "The Moby")

THE TIFFANY BOX - most of us can't afford the jewelry, but that doesn't mean we can't have the box it goes in! This style involves waxing and trimming the hair into the shape of a small box, which is then dyed in Tiffany's iconic shade of blue.

THE BECKHAM - a patriotically British style; this is like The Brazilian but with a Mohican tuft down the center.

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One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you." "Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

George was broken-hearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Dianne said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Dianne is your half sister too, George. I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid!

He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the girl is my half sister." "Hehehe," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father."

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So I just found out that my school finally accepts payment plans for night students. This is really a bonus because now I don't have to shell out a huge amount of cash in one month. Make's things a lot easier for a broke chucklehead like myself. Now I don't have to go and sell my body on Hooker St in downtown Springfield just to make my tuition payment. I'm really looking forward to getting back into classes, and now that I'm single again it should make for an interesting semester.

I've been working out a lot recently and the only reason is to meet girls like this one!

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One thing I didn't think I was going to have to talk about was psycho girls..... Now in reality most of the girls you meet are fucking looney toons. They may be able to hide it well, but after you break up, then the real psychotic side will show up. Take Monica for example.. The day after I told her it was over she called my cell phone 20 times! Now that's it the weekend I'm sure she'll be driving by my house to see if my car is there. I really hope she doesn't stop by or anything, because I'm not up for seeing or talking with her. It would just make everything so much easier if I never have to see this girl again. I really don't feel to bad about the breakup, and I feel more sorry that she's so hung up on me that she just can't let go. But that's no reason to continue a relationship that I'm not really happy in. 

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unknown to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father
alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here." 
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

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I was in the supermarket one day and was doing some shopping. After i had paid i bumped into an old girlfriend of mine, who had gotten married about seven years ago, and her six year old son. We started the regular chit chat and my wife came over from the candy shop. As i was the one who broke up with the woman I was talking to she had never really gotten over me and the rivalry between my wife and her was obvious.

My little three-year old girl, sitting in the shopping cart stretched out her arms to my wife and gave her a loud kiss.

As my ex saw this something clicked in her and she bent down to her son and said, - Give your mom a big kiss! The kid looked horrified and said,
- No!
- Come on, give me a kiss! She tried.
- No!
- Aww.. Come on!
- No!
- Why won't you give me a kiss? She asked a little embarrassed.
- I can't say, he mumbled.
- Aww.. come on, telll me.
- No!
- Tell me! Sha said, all of a sudden angry.
Then the kid screamed out loud so that it could be heard all over the supermarket,
- 'Cause I saw you with dads penis in your mouth this morning!

My ex walked out of that store read as a fire truck in her face.

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A married woman stands naked in front of the mirror, displeased at the size of her breasts. As her husband walks into the room, she asks him, "Honey, what do you think about implants?"

The husband, frugal and concerned as he is, tells his wife, "Dear, I think they are just fine."

The wife exclaims, "But I don't, I would really like to have bigger breasts."

So the clever husband tells her, "I know of a definite way to enlarge your breasts and it takes only minutes a day."

Excited, the wife asks, "How?"

The husband says, "See, every time you're in the bathroom, take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts. And in no time at all, they will be larger."

The now doubtful wife asks, "Does that really work? Toilet paper?"

To which the husband responds, "Why not, it worked for your ass."

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Students at a Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

Then the professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor:

The first is that it is necessary that you don't get disgusted."

The professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it.

When everyone finished the professor looked at them and told them:
"The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index finger. Pay attention people!!!"