January 16 - 30 Post Archive
January 16 - 30 Post Archive |
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Posted By: IWANG Jack | Posted: 1/16/2001 12:01:00 PM |
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Wednesday January 31, 2001 Women: The 17 Ways They Fail In Bed (11:40PM EST) Jack 2. ROBOTS: When sucking a guy's dick don't just get on the end of the thing and jam your head back and forward. It's a beautiful instrument; it should be caressed, inspected, kissed and licked from every possible angle. 3. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be coerced to scream to show your appreciation, at least make some sort of sign to inform the guy that he's done his duty and can blow his biscuits whenever he wants. 4. NO LAUGHING MATTER: Don't laugh if your creative male lover gets carried away and says things like "Ride my hard cock you filthy cock-sucking slut" or "I want to rinse your mouth with my fresh, white love potion." Laughter at any aspect of the male performance will not enhance it. Just be grateful you've got a guy who can speak whole sentences. 5. CLOSING UP: If a man is willing to take the trouble to come on your face, don't close your eyes. He wants you to share this ecstatic moment of joyful union and love with him. Semen is not likely to cause permanent blindness in most cases - but this is a risk you should be prepared to take for his happiness. 6. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it. 7. HANGING AROUND: When he is done, you should not kiss and cuddle, he does not want to touch you. You should leave the bed and leave him in peace. If you are a one-night stand you should leave the premises with out thieving anything or asking for a phone number. His work is done. 8. BEING SHY: Always offer the Hershey Highway. You know you love it. If you don't like it that much, still offer it as you can quite easily play with yourself as he rams away. 9. BEING A DRIP: You always have tissues in your bag, use them to clean his sheets and any ball bag drip page if you have misbehaved and not swallowed everything. 10. CLOCK-WATCHING: Never, ever, ever, ever even think of saying "Are you going to come soon." If you're doing a blowier, you'd have to take your mouth off to utter the question. If you're giving a hand-job, you should have gone to the gym to work your biceps. If he's shagging you and takes more than 10 minutes you should be grateful. This is not a time trial but a blissful act of union between two sexually and gifted human beings. 11. FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS: Don't ask him if you're the best lover he's ever had. Most men have had so many sexual partners that it is unlikely that you are. Please don't ask a man to lie about such an important thing. 12. PLAYING DEAD: Don't just lie there, do something. Good sex is not a spectator sport and it helps if both parties move around a bit. I know you expect the men to do all the hard and skillful work. We don't mind that and we're blessed with the equipment and know-how to do it but at least put some effort into the act to show your appreciation. 13. BEING POSSESSIVE: If you are lucky to have an imaginative lover who can satisfy two women at a time don't sneer at or reject his exciting suggestion that one of your friends joins you to make up a threesome. If he's a real man he's probably shagging her anyway. Plus you might learn something from her to keep your man really happy. 14. NOT KEEPING YOUR HAIR ON: Don't shave all your pubic hair off. It makes your pussy look like a piece of poultry past its sell-by date. At best, it looks like the snatch of a ten-year-old. If you want to trim, go for a nice sexy racing stripe in the manner favored by the Playboy models that your man would rather be shagging. 15. SPITTING IT OUT: When a man has gone to so much trouble to ejaculate and get his aim right into your mouth, it is rude to spit it out without savoring the taste and gluey texture. You should play with semen like a block of Hubba Bubba, blowing bubbles, chewing and throwing from side to side. A line like "I love it when you come in my mouth" makes for a happy finale to fun and games. 16. INGRATITUDE: Never forget to thank a man for all the effort and energy he has expended on making love to you - especially if: 17. SEEKING FAVORS: Never contemplate taking advantage of your man's warm after-sex glow to seek favors or make requests. As he drops off into well-deserved slumber, resist the urge to ask "Do you think I should buy that dress, skirt / sofa / Mercedes / country cottage?" There is a name for the practice of mixing sex with material gain - prostitution." Some More New Pictures (11:31PM EST) Jack It's Melonrific!! (7:56PM EST) Jack See, now that's a good email. Why can't I get more emails like that one. Instead I get these. Hi, I have a girlfriend who I've been seeing for 10 months. I really love her and I want to fuck her. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get her to blow me? oh yeah btw i'm 12 years old. --Tyler I seriously don't want to get that shit anymore. Although I was a little pimp in grade school, and my kindergarten teacher all over me, I wouldn't have had the balls to ask some one how to get her to blow me! Don't kids play video games, basketball, or other shit that kids do anymore? Plus another thing, what is some 12 year old kid doing looking at my site? Where are his parents?? I don't want to come off as some nutcase, but I've got a kid and I when he hits 11, 12, or 13, he wont be playing on the internet looking at sites like this. He'll be helping me pick up the recently single MILFs at the playground! Fucked Up College Story Number 1 (7:08PM EST) Jack This story actually happened back in 1996 when I was freshman at American International College. See I was pretty young for my grade, I entered college when I was 17, and was not familiar with the experiences that college would bring to me. I did not know of the all night parties, and the girls that put out on the first date. Shit I was hooking up with girls that actually swallowed! As every 17 year would have done in my shoes, I partied like a rock star. Weekends consisted of 30 packs of Bud Ice, and if there wasn't a enough money for that, a bottle of Kappy's Tequila would have to do. So one weekend there was an around-the-world party over in the football dorm. Me and some friends from my dorm paid the five bucks and started to get our drink on. We spent the first half of the night getting wasted in the Long Island Ice Tea room, and then decided to move around the place and mingle with some people. I ended up in the Cape Codder room and spied this mint baby. This girl was like everything you see on Babewatch, and then some. So me being in my wasted state decides to go over and talk to her. Now everything after that is pretty fucking hazy. The last thing I really remember is her telling me that she's has a boyfriend. Well, the next morning (night?) when I wake up I've got a headache the size of Roseanne Barr's left breast. Now I've had hangovers before, but something was totally wrong this time. Like my eye feels ten times bigger than it should, and I can't really open it. So I take a look in the mirror and see that there's something that looks like tar. I decided not to fuck with it, because I was still pretty drunk. I fall back into bed, and the next time I open my eyes the sun is shining through. So I drag my ass into the bathroom to take a look at what the fuck was over my eyebrow. I'm looking at it, and it suddenly dawns on me... It's a big fucking scab! Some how the night before I had fucked up my eye pretty good. Since it wasn't still bleeding or really causing any trouble I left it alone, took a shower and headed off the cafeteria. All my friends look like they had the shit beaten out of them too, except I was the only one with the scar to prove it. The only thing was, I had no fucking clue how it happened! I wanted to at least now if I tripped down the stairs or maybe got my face bashed in by the girl's boyfriend. To tell you the truth I was hoping for the latter, it would have made a better story. I end up talking to the dude that hosted the party and asked if he had noticed any brawls or fights. He said that it seemed pretty chill and hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary. I was a little disappointed. But it did mean that I didn't make a total ass out of myself which is pretty cool I guess. I figure I must have been walking down the stairs in my dorm and ate it somewhere. I still have the scar on my eyebrow, and maybe I'll take a picture of it tonight to prove it to ya guys. Another great story happened that night too, but I'll tell that one later tonight. Link of the Post: White Trash World I'm Taking My AIM Name Off Here (6:45PM EST) Jack Paul Poker2: hiya i just got this aim name from the web site i wananewgirlfriend.. tell me more about yourself Do you people have some sort of sick twisted depression in your lives? Shit if you want to know about me, just read through the site. I don't hide anything, and everything is up for public consumption. Whether you want to know about my kid, girlfriend, car, school, or whatever interests you, it' here. Cruise through the archives and that's where you'll learn about me and stuff. I'm still looking for some banners, so if you guys want to help me out, it would be gladly appreciated. I'm linking this guy just because I said I wouldn't and now I feel kind of bad. You're welcome. School of Ass posted the same link as I did about the retarded couple trying to get hits for marriage. Looks like it's a scam though, the counter never increases. I like this site here. Want to know the reasons why I like him? 1. He linked to without begging for a link first. I think it's pretty cool when some one who runs a website, puts another sites link up just for the hell of it. I'm sure Big Dark Cloud wasn't expecting to get linked or anything, but I just though it was cool of him. 2. He's got some good shit up there and his site looks good. Now I'm not any type of designer at all. My page is done in Front Page, and it's wicked plain looking. Shit I only fucking use HTML. That's why when a site that looks good it catches my eye. Other site that look good. Big Dark Cloud - The Campus Rag - Stile Project - Hacker Network - Freak Farm - Bad Ass Mofo - So if your site look cool and you constantly ask me to link you AIM, chances are you'll show up on this site. Now I'm saying I'm like Stile and you'll get a million hits, but hopefully I can help out some of you guys that are just starting out. 37 Dicks? (12:05PM EST) Jack I had something else to write about, but I totally forgot. I'm so fucking tired lately the days just seem to be blending into each other. Tuesday January 30, 2001 Who Said We Never Had a Black President? (5:37PM EST) Jack
This Gives Me Hope (5:18PM EST) Jack Here's a great site for you to check out. I guess if you need a toilet installed this is the place to look. This link is for about half of the people that visit the site. You'll know if it applies to you once you click on it. Dogmatic Law has got a new look, check it out and say hi. If you're in the mood for commentary on what the worst of the web is, check out Daign. This mother fucker is taking on the Child Porn Industry and not even looking back. I commend you, now just do a review on me.... Link of the Post: Bad Ass Mofo Some People Are Pretty Fucking Cool (12:33PM EST) Jack It's fucking sleeting out right now and I'm stuck indoors. Normally I'd be able to take the dog out for a hike or something, but this weather blows. Today would be a perfect day to hang out at the mall and check out some chicks. Instead I'll sit on my ass and play video games all day long. I bought that Evil Dead game for the Dreamcast, and even though I loved the movies, this game blows goats. The only good thing is Bruce Campbell does the voices. Maybe I'll go out and buy the trilogy tonight, it's been awhile since I saw the movies. I did watch Swingers last night and I fucking loved it. It's money, baby! I didn't even know the guy from Office Space was in it. So totally rent or buy that shit next time you're at Ball Buster, oops, I mean Block Buster. Tonight is going to be a Clerks night I think. I'm going to be in the process of changing a lot things this weekend. So if something is fucked up, or doesn't work properly, just send me an email. Shit send me an email anyways. I always look forward from hearing from you guys. I really like the fucked up links you send my way, so keep them coming. Also from now on I'll be plugging a site at the end of each post. So if you've sent me an email and asking to have your site linked, it just might happen! Oh yeah one last thing. Does any one want to make an animated gif for me? I need a couple of sizes made. 120x60 Link of the Post: The Spy More Chicks Say the Stupidest Shit (12:31AM EST) Devon I read what your advice was to Jimmy or mike or whatever.. Below is a First of all thats not what i'm saying, and by the way i have never even watched temptation island, but I get your point. Now here's what I was trying to get across. Why the hell would you want to be with someone who wants to cheat on you???????? It's obvious he can not trust her. I am not advocating that he sit there and compare notes with her on who they each hooked up with since she left. I am saying let her go if thats what she wants. No matter how much you love someone it means shit if the other person is not happy. Let her go, go out and party with some friends, get wasted, hook up with some random girl, and forget the slut. Is that any clearer for you? This relationship is over. A girl may think that she wants to cheat on her boyfriend, and that's normal. What is not normal is to tell him about it. The only reason she would do it is if she wanted to end the relationship, or is playing some sort of sick mind game to get attention from him. Honey, that's definantly not the way to go about it. She is disturbed, dump her, end of story. Link of the Post: Junior Painkiller Monday January 29, 2001 Any Guys With Nine Inch Dicks? (11:09PM EST) Jack Everyone check out Hate the Mainstream he's old school E/N. You were probably in diapers when he first making posts. Check him out and check out the cool Fight Club stuff.
Sometimes I Just Wonder Why (7:23PM EST) Jack From: FuckHead Would you take the site down and spare us from your ideas any more. You are obviously a virgin, and by the looks of it will remain one for some time to come. I predict your first girlfriend will be some type of farm animal, and will leave you for her brother. This is the end of my little letter and I hope you post it on your site for everyone to read. If one person stops going to your site because of me, I'll be a happy man. Thanks again. I highly doubt that this is from the "real" Stile. Although the return address was stile@stileproject.com I'm pretty sure he doesn't like the site, but you can't make everyone happy, right? Link of the Post: Unrealistic Expectations Monday's Blow Goats (6:54PM EST) Jack Tonight is going to be dedicated to Fight Club and to Swingers. I bought a few other movies the other night, but haven't even had the time to open the plastic yet. Maybe this weekend I'll just kick back with some Guinness and plant my fat ass in front of the tube. I actually am supposed to get back into yoga. It's been so long since I've done actual exercise I don't know how my body is going to react to it. I think the EMTs should be on hand for this class. Or maybe I'll just fold myself into a pretzel.... Even More Advice (12:50PM EST) Devon I don't know if you are real or not but I figured it couldn't hurt. Yes I am real for the thousandth time. I'm 19, I'm in college, and I've never kissed a girl. Never fooled around, never really had a serious thing going. I've been on two dates and I blew both of them. The girls had no interest in me. My friends tell me I will eventually get action but I'm close to giving up hope. I need to know I'm not that rare but I doubt it's true. Do girls want guys to try and fool around with them or something. I don't know where to start or what to say when I'm talking to a girl at a party. What did you do or say on the other dates? If you were quiet and shy then that may have been why the girl was not interested. Obviously she was interested enough to go out with you on a date, it is up to you to keep her interest. You don't want to be shy but don't be obnoxious either. Try to find the middle ground and act natural. As for getting into a girls pants, that totally varies by each girl. Some girls are out to have a one night stand and that's cool. However, for the most part a girl wants you to notice her mind before her breasts. Try talking and being yourself. The more comfortable you are around girls the more comfortable they will be around you. You will eventually get some you just have to chill. Let me tell you something else. Ever notice how ugly guys have good looking girlfriends? Well us women are not as superficial as guys. We want someone to hold a conversation with. We don't care how hot a guy is, if he is stupid, he is not worth our time. So act interested in her thoughts and feelings first and that will open the doors to physical things later. More Advice (12:45PM EST) Devon Hi, I have a female friend that I want to be my girlfriend. But she complains that I don't talk enough. Which is true, I am a pretty shy guy. But with her I'm comfortable and can talk a lot more than I usually do. But she still says I don't talk enough, and I ask her what she wants me to talk about. She never answers. Try telling her stories about your childhood and stuff. Tell her a funny story about how you ran through the screen door, or even the time you were really upset because your grandma died. Sounds like she is looking for some sort of real details of your life. Tell her the nickname you had when you were 8. Omit any stories about ex-girlfriends though, although we are all curious about our new guys past, we dont really want to know. It just makes things weird. If you have told her everything you can think of and are comfortable with, and she still feels like she doesn't know you, tell her to ask you questions. Nothing is a relationship killer like dead air over the phone. A girl figures that if you can't find anything to talk about now, then what the hell are you going to talk about when you start getting serious. You can even tell her about your day at work, school, etc... Just say something random, or ask her questions about her opinions on things, then give yours. Just try to fill space. Why Do Girls Say Stupid Shit (12:39PM EST) Devon More God given advice from Devon.
Wow, thats really harsh of her. I think that when a person starts to think about cheating that means they are not happy with their current situation. She may also be trying to hint at something to you. As I said before girls love to play mind games. She might be trying to see if you feel the same way. She probably figures that if you have the urge to do it too, then its ok for her to end the relationship without feeling guilty. My advice is to break it off for a while. Let her loose for a while and see what she does. One of 2 things will happen. A. She realizes that she wants to be with other people, and that she is much happier. In this case, it's good for you to know before anything long term develops. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. I know it may hurt, but in the long run it is better than fooling yourself or being cheated on. Then there is situation B: She realizes how much she misses you, and that she doesn't want anyone else, and she goes back to you. This is probably what you are hoping for. Although you will always be worried about her cheating. You need to think if you can be with a girl who you can't trust. Greg Louganis' B-Day (12:05PM EST) Jack The kids over Cult Chlydren are having fun.... It's time like that when I remember why I quit doing this web page for a little bit. Why don't all of you watch the Matrix start up some gay little cult and have a mass suicide. Trust me you'll be doing the world a huge favor. It's late and I have an early class tomorrow, but I've also got a couple movies that I want to watch tonight. I bought Swingers the other night, and haven't even had time to take of the plastic wrap. I want to watch the whole thing, but I know I'll end up falling asleep like half way through. Oh well that's really it for right now. I'll post some more stuff after I get out of class and shit. In the meantime check out these links. - Ted Bagel - Jiggin - Falk Ware - Limpy Chimp - Vixen Girl - Fat Willie - Sunday January 28, 2001 I Found a New Forum (8:33PM EST) Jack Some Emails and Other Stuff (6:51PM EST) Jack From: Ron Yah I'm glad you like that shit, school girls really turn me on. You're probably right about me and Devon, we had our first little fight!! Break out the champagne and let's all toast to that! From: Loaded Again No problem you Canadien drinker! From what I've seen (the first page) there's a couple pics of wet t-shirt contests which is always pretty cool in my book. From: Trishka I'm glad when girls shoot down other girls, it just cracks me up. You're right about this whole thing not even mattering, it's all just a big joke. Most girls take one look at the title, see some tits, and will never come back here again. Other like Trishka here actually take the time to read this and get addicted to it. From: Nova Eagle A site owner's worst nightmare is a flood of spamming. Don't punish John (who runs klingonacademy.com) and the rest of us for "Tony's" stupidity. Try to act like the adult you'll soon have to be and take down that news post. We have twelve-year-olds who enjoy computer games looking at posts, for god's sake! Have a little decency and don't tell anyone to post porn there. Ok since this guy emailed me nicely I took down the user name and password. Thanks for everyone who did post something there when I asked. I'm getting I Have a Dream..... (3:29PM EST) Jack I made my departure from her dorm and started to walk the halls. Although it looked a normal college dormitory, there were no room numbers, just website addresses. The first floor was full of all Geocities, Tripod, and Aol pages... I decided to pass by these and head up to the next floor. This is where I hit jackpot. The floor of hot web mistresses. First room was Jackie from the Electronic Whore. I've had the hots for this chick since the first time I laid eyes on her. Of course she was busy playing in IRC so I just stopped in, said a quick hello, and took off. The second room was Nay, but since there were just a bunch of middle school boys, and 40 year old guys, I didn't stay for too long. The 40 year olds kind of bugged me out. Club Sandra was next and there she was writing the names of webmasters all over her body. After ten minutes she had run out of body parts and had to run to the bathroom. I stopped in a couple more rooms, but they were pretty boring. So I went to the next floor up, the floor of hit webmasters. I figure I could maybe get some tips on how to increase hits, and get more chicks to send me pictures. First room was the School of Ass. I could barely get in the door with all the rumpshakers in the room. I don't think I've ever seen that much naked ass in the room. I slapped a few of them, and took off. Next was Chimptopia, one of first stops when I hop on the internet. There were boxes of Mac and Cheese, lesbians, and DVDs all over the place. This room was fucking heaven! I said my thanks and took off from there. Next room was Ernies Dorm of Whoopass. This dorm was filled with girls with Ernie all over their tits! And last but not least was, Stile's Dorm of Chicks, Tits, Scat, and Shit. I couldn't even get in the door because there were so many people begging to talk to him. Shit I tried just saying hello, but it was pointless. So after all that shit I woke up in my own bed, with a raging hangover. It was only a dream, but it was a fucked up trip! Saturday January 27, 2001 Sick Of All the Arguing (3:41PM EST) Jack Bought a Bunch Of Movies Last Night (12:19PM EST) Jack So the first movie I got was Howard Stern's Private Parts. I had seen this when it first came out and loved it. Howard is the only thing that gets me out of bed, well, except for the naked Playmate in my bathroom. He's never failed to crack me up and I'm glad he signed on for a few more years. Second one was Scarface. Although it sounds sad, I'll admit it, I've never seen the whole movie. It was on TBS (the super station) but every other word was edited out, so you can't really get the full effect. I'll probably watch it tonight before I pass out from my night at the bar. Also bought Clerks and Mallrats. Two awesome movies from View Askew. You've Become the Man When People.... (11:54PM EST) Jack I guess I should be flattered that some guy wants to be me, but it seems so fucking sad. UPDATE: The kid took down his post, but he's still an idiot. Just send him some hate mail or something. Friday January 26, 2001 The Debate Continues (10:48PM EST) Devon I would also like to say that the girl from the personal does not have a chance in hell with MY boyfriend. And he better stick to tearing apart the ugly girls from the personals or he is not getting any for a while. Does he think that I don't read the site or something? Hell, he lets me post on it. I believe in letting him say what he wants as long as he doesn't act on it but c'mon Jack wake up!!! Is Devon Real or Fake? (5:46PM EST) Jack New AOL Personals (3:23PM EST) Jack Honest Women Seeking Love - In this girls description she's listed as having a few extra pounds. Now when I hear that I think about myself and my beer gut. This chick is pushing that limit and a whole lot more. Shy Girl Here - I can see why this girl is shy. She's a fucking total loser. She also lists her body type as a few extra pounds, and adds the classic "Only more to love!" Also I guess she was a catholic school girl as a young child. I don't even want to picture this girl in some catholic school uniform. She ain't no Britney Spears. Come and Get me - Now this is the first and last girl I'd do in this entire list. She's got that look that just screams "Fuck me on top of the kitchen table while my parents are in the other room!" Plus she's a smoker and will travel any distance, which means she probably has a car. Maybe I'll lose Devon and pick up this hooker. Sweetgirl Looking for Love - This girl shouldn't be looking for love, she should be looking for the nearest trailer park. First off her pic looks like shit, and if she really wanted to try and find a guy, she could have spent the dollar fifty to get her pic scanned over at Kinkos. Also as another bonus for this girl her occupation is listed as MOTHER. Now that's a skill that I look for when I'm checking out girls. Not that it's totally a bad thing, cause as a single father I know some of the shit she's going through. But damn, I don't announce it on my personal ad. Where's my true love? - Where's the fucking plastic surgeon? I'm not sure what's wrong with this chick, but something is totally off kilter. Looks like Marilyn Manson when he had the two different color eyes. Honesty goes a long way - Yeah and hairstyles have changed a lot since the 80's. Here's a little from her profile. I am not picky here. I do however enjoy going to hockey games and watching teams bash each other out and then seeing them kick A**! Nothing more exciting than watching a fight and all that harcore blood...WOOHOO!!! She's not picky, just fucked in the head. The love for violence must have started when she saw her redneck daddy beat the crap out of her hooker mom in a drunken rage. I guess shit like that sticks with you as you grow up. silly cow seeks fruit loop - she actually looks like she's seeking her next heroin fix..... mistress seeks fun - I think we have the next terminator for T3: Ugly Girl's Revenge. Angel needs someone - angel needs to lose those bangs. I know everyone takes bad pictures once in awhile, but if you're going to try and make a good first impression show a semi-decent pic for christs sake. no need to go any further - I have the feeling you'll have to go one more place after seeing this chick.... To your local doctor to treat all the STDs you get. She's got like 10 personal ads up and in everyone she's looking like a whore. Usually I'd be into that type of thing, but she just turns me off. More Shit From Devon (12:59PM EST) Devon let me get this straight: eating popcorn without his hands was he 'drinking' the popcorn? or just sticking his face down in the bucket and coming up for air? i guess you could say he was "drinking" the popcorn. He held the box about 3 inches above his mouth with his head tilted back, and proceeded to dump it all over himself, getting only a few peices in his mouth. i swear, it's guys like that that give the rest of us the bad reps Yeah they do, I didn't date for a month or so after him. I was pretty disgusted with all guys. anyway, i gotta question for you it may seem trite but... not at all, i like getting questions from the site. why dont girls ever say exactly wh at they're thinking? (im sure countless other guys wanna know this too) Two words: MIND GAMES, girls play these alot. A girl will totally keep quiet about something to see how well a guy can guess what's wrong. It makes them feel like their guy is paying attention i guess. For instance if your girl is sick and doesn't tell you and you don't mention it to her, she will assume you are an insensitive asshole. I'm personally not a big fan of them, but a few of my friends think they help to know what is going on in the relationship. and not just about guys/relationships, but about everything. ex. i was with 4 girls (not like that) and we were all chatting, and one goes upstairs to use the bathroom. almost immediately, they start talking about her eyebrows (the girl plucks 'em funny) and how she should let them grow. I would just like to stop here and let you guys know the time, effort, and pain that goes into brow upkeep. It is the biggest pain in the ass. Your friends need to lay off on her. so i(being the logical one, ha ha) asked them why they never told her, because if i were in her shoes, id like to know what was unsettling about my appearance. they said 'because it would be mean.' and talking trash behind her back isnt? *sigh* i'll never understand women It is soo much easier to tear a person apart once their back is turned than to give them helpful tips without sounding mean when she is there. Girls are super catty and competitive too. They may see it as a fault of hers that makes them look better. Especially since there was a guy there. Even if you are all just friends, you can bet there was some competition going on. Yeah so if you like the advice that Devon's giving out, send her an email with some of your problems. She'd be happy to help out, or maybe just give you a clue. Thursday January 25, 2001 An Ex-Boyfriend Story (7:41PM EST) Devon Some Hot Pictures For the Cold Nights (7:01PM EST) Jack I still haven't finished that Ever After shit movie. I've got like another hour to go. The only motivation for watching it is seeing Drew Barrymore's tits, and the hot sister that's in the movie. Of course it's like a PG movie or something, so I'm pretty sure there wont be any T or A. I end up watching Pitch Black today, and it wasn't half bad. That dude Vin Diesel or whatever his name is a badass and I'd want him watching my back if aliens ever invaded this planet. Oh yeah I'm getting my eyes operated on just so I can have the shine. I'm not sure if I want to spoil a scene in that movie, but oh what the hell it's worth it. It's basically just a reminded for all women to bring extra protection when it's that time of the month. If you've seen the movie you'll know what I mean. I think I should post a good PMS story, what does everyone think? Dude Looks Like a Lady (3:21PM EST) Jack I grew up on Cape Cod, and anyone who has ever been down there knows about Provincetown. P-Town, as the tourists call it, is the home for the gay and lesbo community on the Cape. Now I don't have any problems with homos and lesbos, that is until they start coming on to me. I'm not talking about the lipstick lesbos that you see in the movies, I'm talking about chicks that look like Rosie O'Donnell and Lily Tomlin. Trust me you wouldn't want to these girls going down on each other. Oh, yeah, which brings me to the point of my whole story, guys that look like girls. So.... what I'm trying to say is that Cape Cod has more than your average amount of homos. Usually they stick to their town and don't really venture too far from their gay bars, but on occasion, they'll pop up in a regular tavern or beach bar. So this is where the trouble begins.... After a few drinks the thing line between hot and not starts to blur a little bit. We all know that after six beers, the heffer in the corner starts to look a little more attractive. I'm not saying that after some beers the homo at the bar is going to be looking good, but the Transvestite with the huge tits might not look so bad..... Let me tell you a little story about a friend of mine and how he got a little to drunk one time. So after work one night we're all at the bar hanging out drinking, smoking, the same ole shit. So my friend gets pretty drunk and starts talking with this "girl," well at least she looked like a girl from a distance. So they're hanging out talking at the end of the bar. At the end of the night they come over to us to say that they're taking off for the night. Now this was the first time we had seen the "chick," and the only way I can describe her is "Patrick Swayze with tits" If you've seen the homo movie with him in it, you'll know exactly what I mean. Of course my friends and I are assholes and let him go home with this broad.... The next day we caught up with him and asked him what happened. He had sobered up by this time, and said they had just gone back to her apartment and "talked." Which was total bullshit, but we weren't going to make him feel like a total douche bag. After we pressured him a little more he finally admitted that when he went down it's pants he found a surprise that he didn't really want to grab. Maybe the best thing that came out of it was that he quit drinking for a couple weeks. I guess grabbing a dinky actually did the kid some good. We never saw Patrick Swayze after that night, but you might want to check out the P-Town bathrooms if your into that stuff. What's It Like Going Out With Jack? (3:00PM EST) Devon When me and Jack are just hanging out, the website never really comes up in our conversations. There's so much more stuff that he's into that I'm surprised that he even has time to maintain this site. I'm glad he does though, because I like the attention I get from it. Also some other people ask me, "Is Jack really an asshole in real life?" To that I'd have to answer, yes and no. There are times when he can be a real dork, but there are times when he can be the sweetest person I've even known. You just have to catch him when he's not cranky. If he's in a bad mood, he'll rip anyone to shreds, and not think twice about it. I think Jack is like any normal guy..... well maybe he's not that normal. How many other guys would actually hold a contest to see which girl he should go out with? But deep down he's looking for the same thing everyone else is... a meaningful relationship. So how do I feel about having some of the most personal, private, and meaningful things in my life written about on a daily basis? Pretty damn good I'd say. It gives me a chance to look at some of my faults, insecurities, hopes, and dreams, and see how people look at me. I don't know how long me and Jack will be together, but for as long as I'm a part of this site, I'll be happy. So that's a little about me and how I feel. I'm planning on doing some relationship advice for this site, so if there any questions you'd like answered by a girl, don't hesitate to email me. I look forward to all emails, and I'll talk to you later =) Tuesday January 23, 2001 Bored as Fucking Hell (10:54PM EST) Jack So this night isn't a total waste I also rented Pitch Black. I'll probably end falling asleep during that movie so I'll end up watching it again tomorrow night. I found this site tonight. I had checked it out awhile ago, but never really went through it. I have to say that the review of Nintendo games and shit kept me cracking up for a long time. Check it out if you haven't already. Any Time You Pass on Sex, You're Cheating on Yourself (7:04PM EST) Jack Added like 30 Wet T-Shirt pics to the yahoo club. Join up and get involved, we need to take this site to the next level. I want bumper stickers and shit like that. Thanks everyone who sent me in a banner. Ballzdeep and Nine Five Four have the top spot today, but why doesn't everyone try and knock them off. Jan 25 at Lizard Lounge DDDRRROOONNNNEEE SHOW Monday January 22, 2001 People Are Fucking Stupid (11:00PM EST) Jack From: Jeff Samec Yes, so this is what I get to look forward to each and every evening. Well, Jeff, thanks for taking the time to email me and basically make yourself look like a fucking idiot. I'm pretty sure these pics were from Maxim or some other magazine, and are totally legit. If some one knows other wise give me an email. Who the fuck says cheesecake shots?? What the fuck does that mean anyways? So as a favor to me, would everyone email Jeff Samec and tell him what a douche bag he is. I'm really too lazy to do it myself, and I'd appreciate the help. Thanks. Quick Links: Drinking Hard - Translucent Kingdom - Revolt Web - Hey Maybe I Was Wrong (8:14PM EST) Jack So what's new with everyone? Same ole shit going on here going on if you know what I mean. Last night was dedicated to Resident Evil: Code Veroni
What a Fucking Day (3:40PM EST) Jack Added like 50 pics to Yahoo Club. Check it out and post some of your own. I'm still looking for some cool logos for the site, so if you're a Photoshop whiz and want a free plug send me an email with a cool new graphic. Look for Devon's first post later on tonight.... Don't blame me, you mother fuckers voted for her! Big thanks goes out to Snowsurfer, for making me the site of the moment. I'd like to thank God, my mom..... ahh fuck it. I just wanna thank every girl I've gone out with who has dumped me. You're all the ones who really made this site possible. Same Old Shit, Different Day (12:00 AM EST) Jack So it's now almost the end of January. And it seems like my life is flying by. Pretty soon I'll be 40, balding, and trying to pick up my daughters friends. I will be that guy from American Beauty, except that I'll actually score with them! It's tough to picture myself as married, but I guess that time of my life is coming up. In a couple of years I'll be out of school and looking for Miss Right. Think there's a miss right out there that wants a 20-something year old computer programmer with a kid? If there's any girls out there who seem to fit that criteria, give me an email. Sunday January 21, 2001 Catching a lot of Flack (4:19PM EST) Jack So check out the new poll that I put up. Devon has been chatting with some of the viewers in the club, and now she wants to have posting privileges. Should I let post shit and stuff like that? Or should I not let her have any rights except in the club. You people will decide..... Better make the right fucking choice. Check out the Sexual Position Gallery. If you're struggling to find new positions and shit, check this out. What The Fuck is This Shit (11:57PM EST) Jack addrmafter: I saw american history x I wanted to go get a tatoo This is the fucking problem with America today. We got douche bags like this one who's IQ is about 10 points less than my dog's. This fuck head is proud of the fact that he's a redneck and full on fucking retarded. If you see him online, make sure you tell him to fuck off. Saturday January 20, 2001 Come Join Devon In Chat (8:09PM EST) Jack Tigger in a Dress (3:38PM EST) Jack Pussy (2:13PM EST) Jack So since Walmart is the king of all discounts I picked up some classic flicks.
This is one of the best movies ever made in my opinion. When I first saw American History X I was fucking blown away. I've always been a big Ed Nortan fan and he kicks ass in this movie. He's my whole inspiration for hitting the gym (which I am starting on Monday) I think he put on like 35 pounds for this movie. Plus he's banging Carmen Electra now, and I give him major props. Go check out this movie, you wont be disapointed.
I can't believe that I had never seen this movie until a few weeks ago. I've always loved Vietnam and War movies and this one is the best. The first half of the movie shows what it's like to go through Boot Camp with a psycho marine sergeant. Every day I thank God that I never enlisted. If it weren't for my girlfriend at the time, your buddy Jack would be one pissed off guy. Yeah I bought a bunch of other ones and maybe I'll talk about them later. In the meantime check out the Claire Forlani image gallery. garageDogs live! (1:51PM EST) Jack Jan 25 at the Lizard Lounge OLD SCHOOL SHOW Check out these sites garageDogs and Live Wave Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot! (12:20PM EST) Jack Speaking of parties, at the party there I saw a kid with a Stile Project t-shirt. Man I'd love to get some IWANG t-shirts made up, but my design skills are struggling. Maybe some of you cool people that read this page could come up with a design or something. Anything I'd use I'd give you full credit, and a major plug on this site. Just give me an email. I'd be wicked thankfull. I'm also going to be adding some new cam portals. If you're a chick, and I stress a CHICK, give me an email with your cam image and the address for your website. Pictures of my name on your tits will only help your chances up being up there. You'll be worshipped by thousands of teenage boys and if you're hot maybe I'll dig you to. Added some new pics to the yahoo club. There's some douche bag complaining about how they're not webcam pics, but that's not what the club is totally about. It's just a place to talk about this site and post some pics that you like. If there's any pics you'd want to send me, feel free. I'm always on the lookup for new and funny shit. Friday January 19, 2001 If You Have Half a Brain (1:51AM EST) Jack
Thursday January 18, 2001 Fuck Em in the Ear (6:40PM EST) Jack I guess Devon is in the chat room again tonight. Stop in and talk to her and tell her she needs to put out more often. Also check out the new poll and vote. She's bugging me to find out what the plan is for this weekend, and I'd love to find out myself. In less exciting news, I watched True Romance last night. I've seen it before, but it's just one movie that never gets old. Watching Patricia Arquette kicking the shit out of Tony Soprano is pretty fucking phat too. All she needs to do know is show some boobies and cooter. Then she'd be on my A list of celebrity stars. Now here's something you might like. Boys and Girls: The Movie
Boys and girls tells the love modern day love story in a not so original, but entertaining light. You've got your basic good looking people, Claire Forlani, the guy from She's all That, and the chick from Final Destination. It tells the story about how these two people (we'll call them hot chick, and lucky bastard from now on) meet, go out, break up, and eventually fall in love. Hot chick and lucky bastard meet as young kids on a place. Hot chick is in the middle of her period and decides that lucky bastard deserves to hear about it. They end up fighting or something and cementing the fact they'll join the mile high club years down the road..... We then flash forward a few years and they meet again at a high school football game. Hot chick remembers lucky bastard and invites him out for coffee, but I'm pretty he declines and they go their separate ways. Flash forward again and our two stars meet again at college. They become buddies, but never date. Time goes on, they fall in love, lucky bastard bangs her, they break up, they get back together.... bla bla bla. We all know the rest.
So here's my feeble attempt at reviewing movies. I'm not sure if I even reviewed this one before. But let me know if there's anything else you'd like to me review, and send me some fucking mail. Wednesday January 17, 2001 Is This Cool? (5:31PM EST) Jack I'm not saying that women shouldn't have rights and all the other shit, but c'mon, quoting Tyler Durden as a way to get a guy to back off you at the bar?! That's really going to far. I don't want to start a major war here like I was involved in a couple days ago, but honey if you're reading.... Try quoting Erin Brockovitch next time. =) The Things You Own End Up Owning You (12:12PM EST) Jack Hey, I read your site every day and all, and one of the things I've never seen you talk/comment about is STEALING CHICKS. You know, a chick has a b/f, you want to be hers, so you steal that bitch from that guy. What's the magic that it takes to work to do this? - SsiK Check out girlfriend stealer. There's tons of good advice there, and even some validation from chicks. All hail cheetos and vodka! Actually, - vodka + cheetos + 5 glasses of wine = FuCkEd Thankyou. ps: FuCkEd = Fucked = Drunk = Throwing up on your floor/bed/yourself all at the same time. Not sure exactly what the fuck this is supposed to mean. But I got it in my email and found it a little humorous. Too bad there were no pictures. Jack... It's almost 4 a.m. here, and I'm quite sleepy, but once AGAIN, I've lost myself in your website heh. I can't even remember how it was that I stumbled upon you, but I did, and I'm glad for it... Everytime I hit you up, I end up spending a couple of hours reading different stuff. Some of it's good for laughs (there are apparently alot of dumbasses living in America), but I also like reading about the moments in your life that you choose to share with the rest of us. Plus, whether a woman is "curious" or not, tits are always good to see!! haha... I grew up with a younger brother and all his guy friends, and I was always the only girl around, so this could explain a thing or two about why you're one of my favorites. Some of my 'friends' think your site is a pile of chauvinist crap, but what do they know?! bunch of stupid, clueless bitches... hehe... Anyway, I gotcha on aol i.m. now. I'm on under the nick "kinduism". You never know, maybe we'll end up chatting sometime. I'm also sending you a "thank you" for being cool as fuck. It seems you've "inspired" me, too... (actually this was something I did awhile back and just happened to still have & figure you would like, heh). If only I'd had a black magic marker and known your name at the time... Goodnight ;) Trishka She sent a picture of her tits and ass, and they're both pretty nice looking. Maybe I'll post them tonight. I got this in my email this morning. I love flash shit and anyone who makes something cool like that gets a plug. Check out his site, it's not finished yet, but when it is I'm sure it'll be awesome. If you'd like to make something for me, go for it! Just send me pictures, flash, or other cool shit to jack@iwantanewgirlfriend.com Tuesday January 16, 2001 Devon is In the Yahoo Chat Room (11:26PM EST) Jack I'm Not a Freak of the Day! (6:36PM EST) Jack It's only Fucking Tuesday (4:42PM EST) Jack Looks like I'm linkworthy according to some people. It's nice to know that some people like this site and actually dig what I'm doing. This started off as a one page site and bloomed into what you see today. And it will keep blooming as long as you people keep coming back. I'm glad to see the message boards and the yahoo club finally picking up and I'll be adding shit to both of those shortly. If there's any thing you'd like to contribute, just send me an email.
So it's the middle of January, and how many of you stuck to your resolutions? I made like one or two and by the second I had already forgotten about them. Maybe next year I'll make some I can actually follow, but I'm not really counting on it. That's like saying I'm going to give up sex because of religious reasons.... It just aint going to happen. So instead I'm making a new resolution right now. I'm just going to do things that make me happy. No more worrying about what other people will think, do, or say, that doesn't matter any more. No more bending over backwards for girls that could really care less. There's a whole new Jack, and I'm striking back now.
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Bill's looking pretty black to me. Shit just look at the afro on that guy. Takes me back to a time of Soul Glo and shit. I'm not really sure how I feel out 
I found this 
If so you'll want to check out this 
I hate Mondays so much! Sometimes I wish I could just sleep in all day and not even get out of bed. I'd grab the 2 liter bottle of coke, grab a pack of smokes, throw in some movies, and just let the whole day go by. Of course I can't do that because I have to be an upstanding member of society. If I don't go to school, I can't make something better out of myself, and then I'll be stuck washing dishes at the local diner for the rest of my life. And there's no way in hell I'll be washing other people's tuna casserole and shit like that. I want a job where people come into my office and beg for my approval. I want a job where all the secretaries bend over and get their panties all wet when I come in. I know my dream job is out there looking for me, and some day it will come and knock on my door. This day may only come when I win the lottery, but a brother can dream right?
kind of sick of all this shit. I now have to deal with these 
I got these two pictures in my email box. Yeah, yeah, maybe I was wrong about how hot this chick was. Of course they can make any one look good in pictures and shit, so I'm not totally convinced. What I really need is her standing naked in front of me, then I'll be able to make a real decision. Until then, she's only rated so-so in my book. I'm working on making a Shag-o-meter. Basically it will just be a page listing some of the girls who I think are shaggable. If an actress takes her top off in a movie, she goes up the shagmeter. If she starts to gain a little weight, or get a couple of wrinkles, she moves down. Pretty simple and to the point. Any 
ca, one of the best games for the Dreamcast. I was up till like 2 in the morning. I finished the first disc, and tonight will probably be spent finishing the second one. In something totally unrelated. People have been complaining about not being able to log into the yahoo club. If you get an error message saying this is a Restricted Club just log into yahoo and do a search for "Watch Me Strip" in the clubs section. My club should come up and just enter it through it there. I know it's a pain in the ass, and I probably should have not made it an adult club, but hey it's keep the little kids out right?
Well it's Monday again and we all know what that means. The news has been 
Everyone knows I have a super hard on for Claire Forlani. She's super hot, and I bet she's a little wild girl in the sac. Claire if you're reading this why don't you give Jack a call, I'll make sure you feel alright.
Not Hot! No Review for this girl. Look for her in American Pie playing another nasty chick, and she might still be on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Only gets a 1.5
I was to lazy to look for a good picture of this chick, but I was able to steal this one of a website somewhere. She's wicked hot and kisses Claire Forlani in this movie, which gives her a score of 8.0. Any chick that does a semi-lesbian scene gets an automatic 8.0, unless she's super butch and fucking Roseanne. I think she was in Final Destination, and she dressed like a hooker in that movie too so it's all good for her in my book. 
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