Last Update (5:00PM EST) Jack This is the last update of the month, and the last update until I get internet service at my new apartment. I couldn't have picked a worse weekend to move in, seeing as how they won't be able to get out to my place until Tuesday afternoon. I seriously can't wait though, it's going to be fucking awesome. Monica and I will be able to walk around totally naked, which is probably the best part of the whole deal. I'll snap some pictures on Sunday once I've got all my shit moved in. Not pictures of Monica you dirty bastards... pictures of the apartment.
Since I wont be able to update again till Tuesday here's a jam packed update full of all the shit you love. The one thing it's lacking is reader mail! So why don't some of you peeps who read the site send me in some pictures, stories, and anything else you want to send me. So fire up your Outlook Express and send that shit in.
Thing have been going pretty well on the relationship front lately. I'm getting along great with the woman, she's totally in love with me, and we make the sex like 5 times a night whenever we hang out. As weird as it sounds, I could see myself together with her for a very long time. I'm sure that my less charming traits will soon get on her nerves, but for right now everything is kosher. She's even going to let me videotape us having sex tonight! Maybe I'll throw some pictures of it up in the members section.
I'm not sure how many pickle smokers come and visit the site, but I guess I'll find out if anyone signs up for those last two sites. The Bait Bus one is actually kind of funny, although I'd hate to be the guy who it happens too..
When did most people become such assholes? I've been running this site for a good portion of two years now, and have probably come across every type of person there is. There's the sneaky business man who's always coming up with shady ways to make money, the cam girl who whores herself out for 5 dollars, and the plain old asshole who wont help some one out if their life depends on it. Here's the collection of assholes for the day...
Valki.com - Our first asshole of the day isn't here because of something he did, but more so because of something he didn't do. This jerk-off has a script for download on his website. Now you have to be a registered user to download this script, so I sign up for a free account on his site. Of course since he's a total moron the username and password don't work to log in. I politely email the webmaster asking him for access, or just email me the script. I guess he takes a look at this site here, and decides he doesn't want to allow me to download it. The fucking prick is throwing away some decent advertising because he doesn't like what the site is about. So here's a big fuck you to Valki.com.
CHICCO DIN - This is the IM name of the douchebag who bought iwang.com. Now it's not a big deal because I own http://www.iwangf.com/, but it would be kind of cool to own that domain also. So I instant message the guy a couple days ago and ask him if he would be interested in selling the domain name. He gives me some bullshit answer about making money off the name, and that since he doesn't need money, he doesn't want to sell the name. Fucking cocksucker can't be making all that much off it, and I would have been willing to give him a good amount of change. But since he want to be a fucking prick, he now just gets a lot of taunting from I Want a New Girlfriend fans. Click here to tell this fucking stool pusher off.
I Need a New Girlfriend - Another prick riding on the coattails of my success.... At least it's not a blatant rip off my site. The site itself looks like a rip-off though..
I'm trying to think of more shit to write about but I'm drawing a total blank. You would think that after not updating I'd have tons of shit to talk about. I guess the biggest thing on the net right now is SurvivorCam, which I'm judging this year. It's turning out pretty good, but I wouldn't expect anything less from the people who bring you Internet Gossip. Check out the latest Immunity Challenge, you're sure to get a kick out of it.
I think that's pretty much it for today... If you want to get in touch with me send me an email or an Instant Message. Visit these great sites while I'm away though!
Final Week (1:00PM EST) Jack It's been a busy couple of weeks, but I'm back and ready to post a ton of porn, jokes, movies, and other shit for you people to consume. I'll be finishing the packing in the next couple of days, and I'll have plenty of time to update the site after that. For now though here's a little taste of the good things to come.
In an effort to make the site a little better, once I'm done with all my real world shit I'll be tweaking the pages around. That means more pictures, movies, flash, and other stuff. Let me know what you want to see here, and I'm sure I'll be able to satisfy your needs.
On the relationship front, things are going pretty well. I had a little fight with the woman last week, but that's all over and done with, and our relationship is stronger because of it. I seriously love this girl, and she's into me too. Now if I just don't fuck it up, I'll be totally golden. Things look ok for now, and with school starting next week, I'm going to barely enough time to sleep let alone have a chance to make mistakes.
Signs (5:00PM EST) Jack It's a beautiful morning here in sunny Western Massachusetts, and you should all be outside trying to get yourself some poon tang. I'm fucking exhausted as I was up until 5 in the morning, but it was totally worth it. Last night Monica and I went to go see Signs, the newest M. Night Shamalongadingdong movie. It was good, and had a few scares in it too. The ending kind of pissed me off, and I'm sure any one who saw it will agree with me. The woman and I have a little running total of the movies that we pick out, and whether they were good or not. So far I'm behind with a bunch of shitty movies, but here's the full tally.
My Picks
Swingers - Luckily we both liked this movie, as it's one of my favorites and I'd be a little disappointed if she didn't like it. She says it gives her an insight into the male mind, I just think it gives me an excuse to call her a beautiful baby, and say money a lot.
Good Will Hunting - Another classic that we both liked. Of course any one with half a brain likes this movie.
Arachnid - Some really lame giant spider movie. I think we watched like 10 minutes of this lame movie, before I turned it off. Dumb effects, a lame plot, and wicked bad acting make for a really bad movie.
Her Picks
Proof of Life - Some Russell Crowe flick that she really likes. Basically it's up to the Australian actor to rescue Meg Ryan's kidnapped husband. An alright movie, but it's pretty cheesy in some parts. I still get to pick on her because they cut out the sex scene between Crowe and Ryan.
Romeo and Juliet - I was actually surprised at how good this movie is. Now I wouldn't go out and rent it, but it was alright for a movie night at her place. Plus you get to see that little Leonardo Dicaprio shit die at the end.
Moulin Rouge - I actually liked this movie a lot. You've got Obi-Wan Kenobi, the gorgeous Nicole Kidman, and some other chuckleheads in it, to pass the time. You'll either love it or hate it... but totally check it out.
There's a ton more movies, but most of the ones I picked out were shit, and most of hers were chick flicks. All in all, she's ahead by a ton of movies though.
This weekend I'm supposed to go down to the beach with Monica, but I'm not sure if the weather is going to cooperate. If not there's still a couple of weeks left until the weather starts changing back. I'll try and get some pictures of her in a bathing suit for all you jealous fucks out there.
Ever wanted to see Britney Spears changing her top in public?? Check out these pics.
How fucking awesome would it be to come home to this broad every night. Even if she doesn't put out, I bet she gives a mean blow job. Or at least she'd let you titty fuck her.
Good Times (12:00PM EST) Jack Well yesterday was a good day for your buddy Jack. I went and took a look at some furniture that a chick was selling, and picked up a couch for $150 bucks. It's nice too, and it'll be one less thing I have to lug over to the new shag pad. It's going to be fucking awesome having my own place, and it's not like the new place is a dump either. I'll take some pictures of it once I'm all settled in.
I think I'm going to start looking for a new car in the next couple of months too. Jenny has been through a lot with me, but it might be time to let her go. School is starting up though, and although that's my number 1 priority, I wont be able to get there if I don't have a car. I'm not going to rush into anything yet though, so you'll just have to wait and see.
So I've been going to the gym pretty often for a couple of months now, and I actually feel pretty good. It's amazing that when you don't eat McDonalds and pizza every day for lunch, how good you can feel. I use to wake up every morning feeling like shit and wanting to crawl back into bed. It's not that much better now, but at least I can peel myself off the futon to go outside and smoke a butt. A couple more months and I might even be able to get out of bed without groaning like a 60 year old man.
A few people were a little mad that I made fun of the shit town that is Chicopee. Most of these people were people have never left Western MA, and I'm surprised that they even knew how to turn a computer on, let alone find my site, and instant message me. I rank on Chicopee a lot, but it's a million times better than Holyoke. If you've ever wanted to live in city that looks like shit, smells like shit, and has a whole bunch of shit people living there then Holyoke should be next on your list to go to. And lucky me, I get to live in the town that's right over the bridge from that shit hole.
Every time I hang out with Monica I start to like her a little bit more. When we first started dating or whatever, I didn't even like the broad. I didn't think we had that much in common. But as we've gotten to know each other better, and having good sex, things just seemed to fall in place. We have that type of kindergarten relationship where we pick on each other, but deep down it's only because we care. We'll see what happens in the future, but for right now everything is wicked cool.
I got a great email from Virtual Dirty Girl today. Basically she's taking some pics for the members section and the ones I've seen are hot as fucking hell. I tell you, this is the chick that you want to meet. She's hot, into some kinky shit, and probably would be able to keep up with anyone. Luckily you can see her at this site here, or check out her page for even more pics.
Fucking Cock Knocker! (12:00PM EST) Jack After another relaxing weekend, it's time to come back and inform you about what I did. Friday night I go to pick up Monica so we can hang out. Now she doesn't get to go out that much, and since most of her free time is spent hanging out with me, I try and make it as fun as possible. So before I picked her up, I printed out some movie listings and came up with shit to do. So I pick her up and I'm rattling off shit to do, she busts out, and these are her words exactly.. "We could just go back to your place and have sex." Gotta love this broad huh? I do a little u-turn on 91 and before you can shazam we're back at my place. Spent the rest of the night naked on the futon of love.
I ended up getting about 4 hours sleep on Friday Night / Saturday Morning, but Monica dragged me out again to pick up some stuff for my new apartment. Now like any guy, I hate shopping, and I really hate shopping for home furnishings. But we went down to Bed Bath and Beyond, and spent way too much money on shit that I really don't need. This is like the first time I'll be on my own, so basically I need everything. But in my stupidity I didn't know that bath mats have to match the walls, and that kitchen towels should match the kitchen. She did her best to match everything up, despite my moans and groans. After that shopping extravaganza, I took her out to dinner to make up for all her hard work. All in all a good night as I got a ton of shit done.
On Sunday I woke up wicked early and headed over to Monica's to swim in the pool, and eat some good food. I swear her parents are the nicest peeps in the world. Not only do they feed my skinny ass, but they let me basically hang out out there for the whole fucking day. We'll see how long this lasts though, as I have a habit of fucking up most of my relationships. I guess you could say we're still in the honeymoon stage, so of course everything is peachy right now, but we have been seeing at each since like May, so it's gotta be almost over at this point. I'll keep you posted though.
I'm so bored with the Internet right now, that's it not even funny. Good thing SurvivorCam III is starting up in a few weeks. I'm going to be a judge, and an impartial one at that. I'm looking forward to seeing what these people come up with as far as challenges go. Should be fun as the peeps from Internet Gossip are running it.
Sometimes I wish they still had those free personals to rank on, because I have to resort to looking at Face the Jury pics... Here's the bottom of the barrel, or the cream of the crop, depending on how you look at it. These reviews now include a fuckable scale!
Cutey_xo - Lynn likes to write in that aNnOyInG uppercase and lowercase hacker language. She's definitely a white chick trying to be black, or as many people like to call a Wigger. She look's like she'd give good head though. Fuckable Rating: 7/10.
SpoiledBitch - I would like to throw it in this girls ass just to wipe that goddamned smile off her face. This is chick that you know likes to fuck, and has already been used and abused many times over. Fuckable Rating 9/10.
bubblebutt99 - Way too young, but in a couple years she's going to be wicked hot. Of course she's from Palmer so she's either going to be pregnant, or missing a few teeth. Fuckable Rating 5/10. Loses points for her age.
ButterflyXXX - Hot little chick from the trailer trash capital of Wmass. She's got a nice little body, and looks like she'd be fun in sac. I dig chicks that show off their bellybuttons, but from this picture you can't tell what's going on with her boobies. Fuckable Rating 8/10.
Lastkisses - Gothic slut.... Probably a fox in bed, but you can't take her anywhere during the day, and your nights together will be spent drinking goats blood and worshipping Satan. Even goth girls need love too though. Fuckable Rating 7/10.
Tonight Monica and I get to go shopping for my new pad. I've got to pick up all that stupid little shit like plates, pots and pans, silverware, and a ton of other crap. I really hate shopping, and I especially hate buying home furnishing stuff. At least Monica is coming along so I don't buy the ugliest stuff in the world. Then I'll probably take her out to dinner or something cause I'm a classy guy like that.
Huge Update (12:00PM EST) Jack I've got a huge update planned for you today, so sit back, get the Kleenex ready and turn up your speakers. I probably wont be back until Monday, but all this new shit should keep you entertained until then. Tonight is the Taste of Northampton, and if you don't know what that is, you're probably not alone. It's basically a big party on the streets of Noho, where there will be tons of food, drinks, and hopefully some big tittied lesbians making out. I'll be sure to bring my camera to get every lesbian kiss that I see. Of course I'll be with Monica, so I'll have to keep that on the down low. Especially since she has no clue about the site, and I don't feel like jeopardizing my chances of getting laid, by telling her that I run pile of shit. I'm actually not sure how she would take it.... Although she's wicked cool with me, I'm not too sure she'd be happy about me getting half naked pictures of cam girls every day.
Speaking of half naked cam girls, I'm going to be a judge on the new SurvivorCam. It's being run by the classy fellas over at Internet Gossip, and I think it's going to be wicked good this year. I remember back in the day I did pretty well in Amanda's Survivor contest, but it'll be nice to be on the other side. I barely have enough time to update this site, but I'm pretty sure I can make time to judge some cam girls. Now since I'm a judge, you cam babes out there should be nice to me. Now I wont play favorites or anything, but maybe some pictures for my new members site, would make you stand out in my mind. So if you want to get into my good graces, send those pictures right here. And if you're interested in signing up, click here to submit yourself.
My birthday is little over a month away, so I'm going to start begging for gifts now. You can check out my wishlist here, or just send me money right through pay pal if you like. I figure with each donation I get, I'll post more videos, pictures, flash animations, and whatever else I can get my greedy little hands on. I've been running this site for about three years, and I figure I'm deserved a little compensation. I'd offer to get naked for gifts, but I don't think that's going to help me out at all.
So I've been going to the gym pretty often recently, and I'm actually looking a lot better than I use too. The beer gut is rapidly disappearing, and I'm feeling a lot better too. I figure if I can keep going for the next 6 months, I'll be in wicked good shape. Then maybe I can get some shit bought for me for getting naked. I still doubt that day will ever come, but it never hurts to try.
You know, in my 23 (almost 24) years alive, I've never been with a chick that isn't white. Now if me and Monica were to get married, then that would mean I would never be able to make the sex with a chick that isn't of Caucasian descent. I don't really think it's fair that women across this country wont be able to have the sweet lovings that I could give them. So before I go off and tie the knot, I want to have to each one romp with a chick of a different race. I think my first and easiest conquest would be a black chick. I grew up in the hoods of Cape Cod, so I know what a sister needs from me. I'd make love to that sweet ghetto booty and then have her cook me up some fried chicken, with a whole bunch of watermelon for dessert. Then we'd watch some BET before we make love again. That's right black chicks, I'm good for at least a couple rounds each night. So all you black chicks out there who want to get with a white guy should just roll up here, and I'll treat you like the African Princesses that you are.
Random Mystery Links
I think when this game comes out, I'm never going to leave the house again. I never really got into the Everquest and similar games, but when this comes out, I'm going to be glued to the computer. Imagine going around and kicking Imperial ass, or having light saber duels with the Dark Lord of the Sith. I seriously am one the biggest Star Wars geeks there is, and this is only going to make it a lot worse. Every time I drag Monica to Kahunaville, I end up spending $20 on that Star Wars Trilogy game, and make Monica play the Endor level. The only reason she gets to play that level is because she has a bad habit of shooting Ewoks, and then I get to rank on her for it. Yes... I am wicked mature. I also get a kick out of beating her at Daytona USA. And I wonder why my relationships never seem to last.......
Web Hosting (5:00PM EST) Jack Everyone knows that good web hosting is hard to come by. Whether your site is getting shut down because you go over your bandwidth limit, or maybe just because of the content a lot of people run into trouble. But I've got the solution to all your problems. I've found an excellent webhost, and they're looking to help you out. If you're interested, check out this page for all the details.
I've had many sites hosted with them, and never had a single problem. And if you sign up and mention that you were referred by me, you'll get free Search Engine Submission service. This is $50 value, and I use it myself. How do you think I got to the top of Google and Yahoo? If you have any questions at all send me an email or give them a call at 1-888-796-9438. Everyone there will be glad to help you and answer your questions. And remember to tell them Jack sent you!
Hump Day (12:00PM EST) Jack It's another hump day, and I'm back here updating the site again. Although the summer is kind of the slow season, I almost feel obligated to let you know what's going on in my life. The relationship with Monica is still going strong, and I don't see any difficulties with that any time soon. It's really weird not having the desire to go out there and cheat on her. Who knows, maybe I'm in love....
With summer rapidly coming to a close it means the beginning of another school year. This semester I really plan on getting shit done, and making the most of my education. There should be no problem with that either, because I really don't plan on losing my license again. Since all that is behind me now, I can really say I fucked up big time. When I got the OUI I was with Karen, and that was probably the beginning of the end of our relationship. It's easy to play Monday morning quarterback and say I should have done this differently, but I guess what happened was meant to be. I haven't talked to her in awhile, and I really just wish the best for her, in whatever she is doing.
There's one thing that will make any heterosexual guy feel a lot better after having the shit kicked out of him.... and that one thing is two (or maybe three) girls kissing!!
Did anyone catch the Anna Nicole Smith TV show the other night? I've seen it a couple of times, and I can't believe how downhill this broad has gone. I mean back in the day she was a fine piece of ass, now she's looking like something out of a Chicopee trailer! For those who don't know about Chicopee, picture a bunch of trailers on blocks, and then you'll know exactly what the city is like. So in the first episode they have a drugged up Anna going around and looking at houses. Now if I was the person selling one of these homes, I would be pretty pissed off when I saw what she was doing the place. I guess Anna likes to try out the furniture, and has a habit of pretending to hump the bed. I suppose when you haven't gotten laid in a couple years you'll start to do that. But there's no excuse to be showing this human whale thrusting herself onto a king sized bed. I swear I nearly pissed myself when I saw it though.
So I'm really pleased with the way the members site is shaping up. There's over 5000 pictures for your enjoyment, and pretty soon I'll be adding videos and other cool stuff. Now don't think I'm going to forget about you freeloaders who don't want to pay for porn. So I'll post a majority of pictures and videos here also. But for the really good stuff, you'll have to sign up. But here's some high quality shit for you to check out for free!
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"If there's a band in Boston playing a better, More broken-down, nastier, ballsier brand of frustrated, tightwire sex and drugs garage-rock than the dogs, they'd be well advised to speak now or forever shut their trap."
