Deviant Sex Positions
|By IWANG Jack|
Anal Boot [n] When you take a pitcher of beer, everyone spits in it, someone stirs it with their cock and then the mixture is poured through the crack of a man ass into the waiting mouth of the loser of a bet or Drinking game.
Australian Death Grip [n] The act of grabbing a woman by the haunches/crotch and staring deeply into her eyes until you're slapped or kissed. A recommended tactic for very crowded bars. Another great opportunity for wagering among friends.
Ball Sacking [v] streching of the scrotum over the face of someone sleeping or passed out, having a picture taken and posting it on the internet Beef Curtain [n] The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-doh for an hour or so of jimmy-jam (aka Beef Drapes, Meat Tarp, Piss Flappers, Quim Nuts, Vertical Bacon Sandwich).
Blocking the Box [n] When you and your pal are double-teaming a chick - he's got her from behind, you've got her mouth. Selfishly, he drops his load in her, thus preventing you from using that input later (aka Access Denied Error, Road Closed Due to Bad Conditions).
The Bronco - Back to reality with this classic. You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits and or a large lock of hair as tight as possible and yell another girl's name or state "Ya know your by far the ugliest girl I ever fucked". This gives you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
The Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
Chocolate Cha-Cha [n] Anal Sex. Used in a sentence: "John and George danced the chocolate cha-cha all night." (aka Driving the Hershey Highway, Riding the Dirt Trail, Utilizing the Third Input, Poking the Brown Eye )
The Cleveland Steamer - Mentioned below in The Fountain of You. After dumping your load on and around her chest--you position your ass just above your own pool of soup and sit in it, full weight, possibly causing her to gasp for breath. You then pretend to be pulling the whistle cord on a genuine Cleveland steam ship. As you make the loud noise you slide in your spunk from her chest to her bush smearing a spunk trail on her body in your wake. This can be done with the male facing either direction. The more authentic the steam whistle sound, the better.
Consolation Prize [n] When you take a girl home from the bar, thinking you're going to get laid, and from all of the drinks you've been feeding her all night long, she passes out on the bed right before you get your pants off. To get revenge, you jerk off and spray your load all over her back. Even though you lost and didn't get laid, the satisfaction you got is almost as good, hence the term consolation prize.
Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of someone nasty and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around them. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Cum Dumpster [n] Refers to a girl who has been around the block quite a few times, hence she is full of cum.
DDF [n] Distance Distortion Factor - refers to someone who may seem attractive from far away but is ugly upon closer inspection - "good from far, far from good". Used in a sentence: "Woah, she's hot... wait a sec...ugggh major DDF!"
Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This should give you a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name could be Dirty Sanchez. A very popular European variation of this maneuver called "The Hitler" involves a simple shit smudge under her nose, replicating the look of Hitler's mustache.
Felching - It occurs after you have been sticking your babe in the can, you bust your nut in there, back up and then pucker your lips up to her rim and suck out your ranch dressing. (This is also the first step of a very advanced maneuver called the Halmstad Hook).
The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass, thereupon she turns around in a one- eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing. At that point, you have received a "Fish Eye."
Fishhook - A variation of "The Shocker" (an uninvited digit placed in the girl's anus ) in which, with the finger still up there, you "hook" back in the direction the pussy. No real purpose here other than to think to yourself while doing it, "ahhh yes the Fishhook......". Another variation called the "New Jersey Meathook" involves sticking your uninvited digit in the girl's anus while fucking her from behind. You finger is then turned upward toward her back and you pull her entire body toward you over and over while she is sliding on your cock.
The Flying Camel - As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like you would imagine a flying camel to sound like. Strictly a class move.
The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing. Then spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed). This is also a variation of the first stage of a Cleveland Steamer to be described later.
Fumilingus [v, n] When a man (or woman) performs cunnilingus on a woman and she farts directly in his face.
Furr Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, you don't mind though, that is until a mammoth furr ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
Game of Smiles [n] This games involves men sitting around a circular table and a woman giving random blowjobs underneath the table. Anyone who "smiles" has to buy a round of beer for the rest.
Going to the Bullpen [v] The act of fingering the anus prior to having anal sex. It kind of "paves the way".
Goobin [n] One of the many wives had by an old-style Mormon who is not the main wife. The setup usually involves having your one "main" wife and the rest of your other wives who are strictly used for procreation. Hence "Goobin" - a bin for his goo. Used in a sentence: "Mary's one of John's goobins".
The Halmstad Hook - As mentioned above in Felching. This is a unique sequence of events named after a town in Sweden, where this apparently happens quite frequently. After dumping your spunk in her rear, the sauce is sucked out of the anus by the male. Once the sauce has transferred from her bowls to your mouth--the product that has been created is now known as "Swedish Cheese." The move is completed when the "Swedish Cheese" is transferred to the ladies mouth via a deep tongue kiss. You can cap this off with a swift stinging slap of her ass to show her how much you care and appreciate all her hard work.
A Hot Carl - A simple maneuver where you withdraw your shaft from the bowels of her anus and place it directly into her mouth for a cleaning. Apparently some guy named Carl first tried this.
Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, (her, on her back, you straddle her chest) you proceed to shit on her chest--just for the hell of it. She then becomes the "Lunch Lady."
Jim Henson [v] When you fist someone and physically lift them off the ground. (aka The Muppett, Ass Puppett, Meat Puppett)
Kennebunkport Surprise [n] The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England Chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while giving oral sex.
Leave-in Conditioner [n] Dollops of semen strategically left in a woman's hairdo at a public gathering following fellatio. A good lesson for those who refuse to swallow the evidence Matching Drapes [n] Reference to whether or not a woman's pubic hair color matches the hair on her head. Used in a sentence: "Wow what a hot looking redhead, but I wonder do the curtains match the drapes?".
Mung 1[n, v] Two people dig up the corpse of the recently deceased. One undresses the mungee and places his mouth over the sexual area. The other backs up and does a running jump onto the corpses chest. The second person has to eat everything that enters his mouth. Insult, seen here in context: "I'm going to mung your grandmother!"
Mung 2 [n, v] What runs out the twat of a very pregnant girl who has been beaten on the swollen belly.
New York Style Taco - (Also known as a wet Betsy) - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you boot on her box. All the fixin's.
Pearl Necklace - Whenever you cum on the neck area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry
Pet Shop - Inserting a small rodent such as a mouse or hampster in the anal cavity or if a woman is very stretched, in the vagina and left to roam around. The name comes from an English pop group
Pencil Sharpener [n] A chick who gives a rough and toothy blowjob that scrapes your willy up something awful.
Pink Glove - This frequently happens during a marathon session (maybe a second round) when a girl is simply not wet enough. When you give up and attempt to pull out to give her money or whatever, the inside of her twatsticks to your hog like the inside of a leather glove. Thus, the pink glove.
Pole Vault - Originated by ancient Romans. When the female has sucked your pole to the point of ejaculation she swiftly inserts the index finger of her right hand into your anus. This surprise causes a subtle popping out of the eyes, a natural arch to the lower back and extra propulsion necessary to clear the high bar. Bruce Jenner added this to his warm-up routine after losing to Sergie Bubka in the 1979 Olympics
Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you pull your penis back slightly before poking it back into the inside of her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to that of a purple mushroom.
The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Reading the Defense [n] The concept of a guy making a split second decision when in a situation to score with some chick when out without his girlfriend/wife. "Reading the Defense" refers to making all of the proper "game time adjustments" not to get caught cheating later on at some point. Having Beer Goggles makes it very hard to Read the Defense.
Redwings: (n.) One who has eaten a ragging chic out, has received his redwings. submitted by John F Rusty Trombone [n] The process by which one person is tossing a guy's salad, and then reaches around and gives them a hand job.
San Diego Surprise [n] The act of bringing a girl home and while fucking her, having a friend in waiting enter the room naked in hopes of a consensual threesome. Named by Navy guys stationed in San Diego. Rumored to work about one third of the time.
The Southern Trespass [n, v] The Southern Trespass most frequently occurrs when an over zealous (drunk) man is involved in intercourse with his lady friend. Through lack of concentration, lack of coordination, or simply because he wants to do it, the man quickly switches from the woman's vagina to the corn hole, without missing a beat. If executed properly, this act catches the female by complete surprise, stunning her like a cattle prod to the ass in a rain storm. No matter how long the man reaps the benefits of his efforts, he can now be content with the fact that he has committed the coveted Southern Trespass.
The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Throwing A Pickle Down A Hallway [v] When you've just layed the pipe to some chick (usually fat) who has a big loose box. Used in a sentence: I may as well have just thrown a pickle down the hallway instead of fucking Fat Fanny's loose gash.
Tossing Salad [n] Licking another's anus. Done in prison as payment for drugs.
Tuna Melt - Lights out, you're down on a chick lapping away at an unusually juicy slab when you discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. A man of honor, by no means do you stop. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face. (this only work with chicks who REALLY cum hard).
Tupperware Party [n] When three guys are triple-teaming a chick ... one with his penis in her mouth, another in her vagina, and the third in her anus. So named because she is sealed air-tight.
Twinkler [n, v] When you are 69-ing and she gags on your member and you can see her bung-hole pucker up.
Times Square Shuttle [n] You have two girls with you and they are in the 69 position with each other. You then alternately fuck each of them while they chow each other. You go from the missionary position on one and run to the other side and work in doggie style on the other one. Repeat as many times as necessary / possible. (aka Burning the Candle at Both Ends, Playing Ping Pong, The Gunga Din)
Valsalva [n] The act of pinching shut (with thumb and forefinger) a woman's nose while receiving fellatio; most effective when employed just prior to the release point due to the gag reflex and ensuing swallow that the woman is forced to do to continue breathing. A great first date ploy, as it sets the stage for what the rules of engagement will be ahead.
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