Getting laid on your first date is mostly a function of what you say during the date. And knowing what to say begins with knowing what NOT to say. Here are 20 such things you'd probably do well to never mention during a date, whether it's your first or your fiftieth.
Pics: Alexis Tyler @ First Time Auditions
- Wow! You look exactly like Eva Angelina/Rikki Six/!
- Watch out, I had some chilli earlier so I might get gassy on you.
- Oh shit! Duck! I think I just saw my wife!
- How about we skip dinner and get straight to the fucking?
- Oops, I forgot my wallet and I have a running tab here, so if you could take care of that, that would be great.
- I'm really not that bad a guy, you know. It was only statutory rape if you must know.
- You remind me so much of my ex! God, she was amazing. Oh, but you're not too shabby yourself!
- I'm not a racist, but ...
- Do you mind going to the ladies room and putting on some more makeup? You look a bit worn out.
- I really hate sluts. You're not a slut are you? How many guys have you fucked?
- Hmmm that waitress is one hot piece of ass. Oh sorry, what were you saying?
- I hope you're ready for some crazy shit, because I've got a whole bunch of fetishes you've probably never even heard of.
- I can sense where this is going, so I feel like I should get this out of the way before we go any further: I've got a number of sexual diseases and I never use any condoms. Phew, feels great to get that off my chest. So, you were saying?
- Did you say drugs? No? Yeah, well, I love drugs. That reminds me. Excuse me for a minute, I have to use the bathroom.
- Wanna do a little deepthroating contest with this banana? You'd be surprised at how deep I can go on this!
- Do you like watersports? How about golden showers? Any kind of scat? Do you know anyone who does?
- Do you mind if we skip dessert? I left my baby in the car and it's scorching hot outside.
- Yeah, I don't mean to brag, but I've got a level 70 paladin on World of Warcraft and I'm like in one of the top guilds right now.
- I'm sorry I'm a little nervous. This is the first time in years I've talked to an actual woman. Well, unless you count my real doll back at home. Oh, have I told you about Lucy?
- I hope you're ready for a good work out tonight because I've been practicing hard for this date. I last for like 25 minutes with my fleshlight now, and it's an anal model.